


Diablo

by sinnerman



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-11-28
Updated: 2011-02-15
Packaged: 2017-10-13 10:44:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/136457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnerman/pseuds/sinnerman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan/mShepard. They say true love waits.  As the Sentinel comes to realize what the Adept needs, will he find the strength to satisfy Shepard's deepest desires?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. UNEARTHED

Kaidan opened the door to his new quarters. He knew he was bunking with the ship's pilot, Jeff Moreau, and had already agreed to take the top bunk because of Jeff's medical needs. Since he had just left Jeff in the mess hall, he was not expecting to see anyone in the room. Certainly not someone with long dark hair, huge blue eyes outlined and mascaraed, with soft, sensuous lips painted red like a streetwalker. Certainly not someone in black leather boots, ripped black jeans, and a tight red top. Certainly not a man.  
The man lying on Jeff's bed blew a bubble with the gum he was chewing, then popped it while he flipped the page of what looked like a tawdry romance novel. "Wanna make out?" he said cheerfully, then looked over the top of his book. "Oh, hey, you're not Jeff."  
"No, I am not," said Kaidan sharply.  
"Wanna make out?" he grinned, then laughed at the look on Kaidan's face.  
"What are you doing in my room?"  
"I was waiting for Jeff," he explained. "We were gonna make out." He slid out of the bed, every move of his body graceful and erotic, and went back to reading his romance novel as he sauntered out of the room without waiting for Kaidan to say anything.  
Kaidan put down his things as quickly as he could and went to go find Jeff. Who on earth was that man? Surely, Jeff wouldn't have been so stupid as to bring a hooker onto a brand-new, experimental, top-secret warship? He went back to the mess hall, but Jeff wasn't there. Kaidan checked the other public spaces, but there was no sign of him anywhere. It wasn't until he walked past the cockpit that he heard him.  
"Will you keep your hands to yourself? You're not even supposed to be here yet," Jeff was complaining.  
"Anderson wanted to know how destabilizing I would be, so I figured I would start early." There was the obnoxious sound of a bubble popping.  
"You asshole, you got it in my hair!"  
Kaidan walked closer, to see Jeff sitting in someone's lap, working on the flight console. He was looking at the gum in his hair, while the other man was laughing.  
"Moreau?"  
"Oh, hey, Alenko," Jeff waved. "Did you get all moved in? Oh, have you met Shepard?"  
Kaidan shook his head, and held out his hand. "Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Sentinel."  
"Commander Jarrett Shepard, Adept." He didn't stand to shake hands, he just reached past Jeff. "I'm not official until tomorrow."  
"Day after," Jeff corrected.  
"Are you done with those calibrations, Jeff? Cuz, you have gum in your hair." Jarrett smiled. "We should go take a shower."  
"Asshole," muttered Jeff. "Anyway, see you around, Alenko." He stood up, and walked away, Jarrett following him.  
Kaidan wondered if he looked as shocked as he felt, and he suspected that he did. He had never really thought about what the legendary Shepard, the Butcher of Torfan, would look like. But he would never have guessed that the man who had been pulled out of prison to join the Alliance looked like jailbait.

Jarrett Shepard wasn't very tall. He was average height for a Human male, but most Alliance men are taller. He was also less heavily muscled than the average Alliance soldier. This didn't stop him from being a violent psychopath, Kaidan noted. He quickly applied pressure to Jenkin's wound, and started applying medi-gel.  
Jarrett laughed, and sprawled out on the sparring mat like a cat, rather than a lunatic who had just stabbed one of his crewmates. "You're shit, even for a Marine, Jenkins. I hope you don't spurt that fast when you're fucking."  
Jenkins moved, and Kaidan forced him to stay still before he bled to death.  
"Shepard, would you mind?" Kaidan scanned Jenkins, but he wasn't stable yet. He continued applying medi-gel.  
"I'm waiting for my knife," Jarrett grinned.  
Kaidan tried not to lose his temper. "Your knife is stuck in Jenkins' throat. It's staying there until I can get him to med-bay."  
"That knife is an antique. We have more Marines."  
"Shepard, get out! Now!"  
"He's not even a good Marine, he's a fucking pussy. Real Marines suck cock before they drop."  
Jenkins twitched convulsively again, and Kaidan concentrated on saving the young Marine's life. Dr. Chakwas ran into the recreation room, and knelt down next to Kaidan.  
"Check it out, Jenkins, you've finally found a way to get a woman to fall for you."  
Dr. Chakwas ignored Shepard's taunting, and she and Kaidan carried Jenkins away.  
Anderson walked into the med-bay. "How is Jenkins?"  
"He'll be fine," sighed Dr. Chakwas. "He's learned his lesson, Captain."  
Anderson chuckled. "Where's the knife?"  
"You're not going to give it back to him, are you?" asked Kaidan.  
Dr. Chakwas handed over the knife, an antique Italian blade from Earth's distant history. Kaidan looked, wonderingly, at Anderson, who didn't answer his question.  
"Thank you for your help today, Chakwas, Alenko. Good night."  
Kaidan looked at Dr. Chakwas. "He's going to give it back! What if that happens again? Shepard's insane, he's a danger to everyone on the ship!"  
Dr. Chakwas laughed wearily. "He's not that bad, Kaidan. He really isn't," she said reassuringly. "Jenkins probably said something that got on his nerves."  
"So, he stabs someone and all he gets is an angry lecture from the Captain?"  
"Have you ever gotten a lecture from Anderson? They're quite frightening."  
Kaidan shook his head, partly in disbelief and partly in disgust. "I'm going to turn in, if you don't need me for anything else."  
"No, I think we're done here. Thank you, Kaidan." Dr. Chakwas turned back to her patient, and Kaidan walked out of the med-bay.  
He couldn't believe that Shepard was going to get away with this, that once again Shepard would get special treatment. It was bad enough that Shepard was bunking with the Captain, and didn't have a regular shift like everyone else. Kaidan wasn't even clear on what Shepard was supposed to be doing on the Normandy. So far, all he'd done was behave outrageously with Jeff and piss off Jenkins. At least he wasn't hanging all over Jeff any more.  
Kaidan made himself a snack, and went down to the public terminals to check for any letters from home. He opened the door to the room, and almost stepped on Pressly, who was lying on top of Shepard, kissing him wildly, running his hands through Shepard's dark hair. Kaidan tried to slam the door closed and shut out Shepard's mocking laughter, but the door was stuck on something, and he could still hear them.  
"Was that Alenko? Crap, I'll never live this down!" moaned Pressly.  
Kaidan stiffened, furious.  
"Oh, calm down, he's not a gossip."  
"No, he'll just give me that look," grumbled Pressly.  
Kaidan stormed away, Shepard's amused laughter ringing in his ears.


	2. UNKNOWN

Kaidan tried not to stare. He'd never seen anything like this before, not in training or in the field. He'd never seen someone control so much power before. Shepard threw a stasis field on the attacking geth, then generated a singularity that drew the immobilized geth together, crushing them inexorably in the dark energy field.  
"Wow," gushed Ashley. "Commander, that was awesome!" The soldier went back to shooting the husks before they could charge.  
Kaidan shook himself out of his daze, and helped her pick off the husks. He'd never felt so useless in a firefight before. Usually, he was the one stunning the locals with his biotics. But next to Shepard, he was barely a blip. Then again, so was Williams. Shepard didn't actually need a squad. Kaidan was well aware that he could have cleared out all the geth here without any help from either of them.  
"Hey, this door is locked. Alenko, open it."  
Well, at least I have some purpose, Kaidan thought to himself. He cracked the security on the door. There were two scientists inside, absurdly relieved to be safe at last. Kaidan contemplated telling them they'd been rescued by the Butcher of Torfan, to see if they would run off screaming.  
Shepard interrogated the scientists quickly, trying to track down the Prothean beacon. Kaidan could tell Shepard was getting more and more irritated with the drugged, babbling scientist, as was the other scientist. But it was different when Shepard got irritated. Kaidan tried not to laugh as Shepard finally lost his temper, and knocked out the crazy scientist with a clean punch to the jaw.  
"That might have been a little extreme, Commander," said Kaidan quietly.  
"He was clearly unstable. He could have snapped at any time," said Shepard in his most serious voice.  
Kaidan stepped outside, trying to hold back laughter as the other scientist meekly agreed.  
"You all right, LT?" asked Ashley.  
"I'm fine," Kaidan assured her. "Are we done here, Commander?"  
"Yeah, just looting some dead bodies. Oh cool, more medi-gel." He tossed the pack to Kaidan, and started down to the spaceport.  
"Is it just me, or is Shepard a little… you know… weird?" asked Ashley nervously.  
"He's completely insane, that's all. It's not a big deal, at least that's what everyone keeps telling me."

After finding Nihlus' corpse and deactivating the bombs and killing more geth then it seemed Eden Prime could comfortably hold, they finally found the Prothean beacon. Shepard walked around it, looking at it as if he was trying to remember where he had seen it before. Ashley took the opportunity to blatantly check out Shepard's ass, and Kaidan just shook his head in irritation. Why was everyone in the galaxy hot for Shepard?  
Shepard walked around the beacon again, reminding Kaidan more than ever of a cat. He half expected Shepard to reach out and dig his claws into it, but instead Shepard finally turned away, and called the Normandy. Kaidan looked curiously at the beacon. The odd noise that it was making seemed to hammer at the back of his skull, but the noise became less insistent if you moved closer. Kaidan wondered what purpose this piece of ancient technology had ever served. He looked up and realized that he was standing right in front of it, close enough to touch it, and moved away so he wouldn't activate it by accident.  
The hammering noise grew louder, and Kaidan discovered that he couldn't move away. He struggled against the pull, it was like the flow of biotic energy but stronger somehow. Heavier. He couldn't break free, then something threw him aside. Kaidan picked himself up, relieved that he had somehow been saved from being sucked in. He looked around, trying to figure out what had happened, and saw Shepard, his back arched tautly, floating in midair before the beacon.  
"Shepard!"  
"No," Ashley wrestled him to the ground before he could reach Jarrett. "Don’t touch him! It's too dangerous!"  
Kaidan stared in horror as the intensity of the field increased. The energy was going to rip Jarrett in half, right in front of him, and there wasn't anything he could do. Suddenly the pulse changed rhythm, slowed down. He could see the energy shifting, slowly settling around where Shepard was suspended. Somehow, Shepard was influencing the beacon. With a horribly organic noise, the beacon suddenly exploded, throwing Kaidan and Ashley to the ground. Shepard went flying, and slammed into the wall near the stairs, then fell in a crumpled heap.  
Kaidan jumped to his feet and ran over to where Shepard had fallen. He was breathing, but his face was bloodless and pale. The medic side of him took over, and he refused to think about what had happened. That Shepard had saved his life, at the risk of his own.

"How long have you been sitting there?"  
Kaidan stretched, "I'm fine, I just fell asleep for a second." Kaidan looked around to see who he was talking to. "Oh, Shepard, you're awake."  
Jarrett tried to sit up, but the room spun wildly and he sank back to the pillow. "How long was I out?"  
"I'll get Chakwas, don't try to get up." Kaidan ran out to get Dr. Chakwas. I should say something, he told himself. I should thank him. Instead he stared at the floor while Chakwas administered restoratives, and waited while she went to let Anderson know that Shepard was awake.  
Shepard sat up, rested his head in his hands, and looked curiously at Kaidan. "You didn't answer any of my questions, Alenko."  
"What? I'm sorry," Kaidan stammered. "I don't remember, what did you ask me?"  
"You were sitting there all night, weren't you? No wonder you're acting so weird."  
Kaidan couldn't tell if Shepard was laughing or not. "Well, yeah, I mean, someone had to watch you." Jarrett was sitting up now, and looked around to room, as if trying to remember where he was. "You're probably thirsty, here," he brought a glass of water to him, and Jarrett drank it gratefully.  
"Thanks."  
"No, thank you, Shepard, you saved me. I got too close to the beacon, and must have activated some kind of security field or something. You got me out of the way."  
Jarrett smiled ruefully. "Yeah, and then got caught myself. Don't worry about it, Kaidan. You had no way of knowing what would happen."  
Kaidan stepped back, flustered, as Chakwas returned with Anderson.  
"We don't even know if that's what set it off," said Chakwas with a shrug. She leaned over Jarrett, to check his eye movement, and laughed slightly as Jarrett moved away. "Unfortunately, we'll never get the chance to find out."  
"Huh?" Jarrett looked confused.  
"The beacon exploded," Kaidan explained. "Some kind of system overload, probably. The blast knocked you out cold, and Williams and I brought you back to the ship."  
"Well, thanks," smiled Jarrett. "Everything else is okay on Eden Prime, right?"  
"Yes," said Chakwas. "You saved the colony, but their medical facilities were already dealing with their own wounded from the attack. Lieutenant Alenko realized that you would receive better care here on the Normandy. Physically, you're fine, Commander, but I detected some unusual brain activity while you were unconscious."  
Jarrett grinned. "I have a weird brain."  
"No, Commander," Chakwas laughed, "this was different. Abnormal beta waves. Increased rapid eye movement. Signs usually associated with intense dreaming."  
Shepard moved restlessly. "More like a nightmare. There were these – things. People dying. Running. Everything was black, burning, I –" Shepard shook his head, trying to force the visions away. "It didn't make any sense. Forget it."  
Kaidan started, as he remembered what the crazy scientist on Eden Prime had said.  
Chakwas sighed. "Still, I should put this in my report. It might be significant."  
"Why, you already know I'm crazy," Shepard grinned. "You don't need to put that in your report."  
Chakwas chuckled, and was about to say something more when Anderson walked in. "Ah, Captain Anderson."  
"How's our XO, Doctor? Is he gonna be okay?" Anderson looked carefully at Shepard as he spoke. Kaidan noted that Shepard was still pale, even for his normal paleness.  
"He's fit for duty, Captain. All of his readings are normal."  
"Glad to hear it. Shepard, I need to speak to you – alone."  
Kaidan left the room and went to go check the security console.  
"Hey, LT, how's the Commander?" Ashley called out as she ran up to him.  
"He's fine," said Kaidan reassuringly.  
"Yeah, I noticed. What a sweet ass he has! I bet he fucks like a jackhammer," grinned Ashley eagerly.  
"I wouldn't know," said Kaidan coldly, and walked away before she could continue. He started going through the system logs, and tried to pretend he couldn't hear anything.  
"What the fuck?"  
Pressly laughed at her confusion, and waved her over to the mess hall. "Alenko's a little stiff, don't let him get to you."  
"Little? What shower have you been using, Pressly?" asked Fredricks, one of the Normandy's Marines. "Alenko's tool gives me nightmares."  
Laughing, Ashley sat down at the table. "Okay, spill. What the hell is someone like that doing on a party ship? I mean, he has to fit the crew profile or he wouldn't be here."  
"I'm sure he has unplumbed depths to his character," grinned the Marine, and Ashley nearly choked on her drink.  
"Well, if he has another side to him, I haven't seen it," grumbled Pressly. "The man is made of ice as far as I can tell."  
"But not the Commander, right?" asked Ashley eagerly. "Please tell me I get to have a piece of that ass."  
"Let me check the schedule," grinned Pressley and pretended to check his datapad. "Yeah, your turn will probably come around next week. He's still working on the twins."  
"There are twins on this ship?" Ashley grinned. "This is going to be awesome."

"Hey, LT, 'sup!"  
Kaidan looked up in surprise as Ashley entered the recreation room. "Oh, hey, Williams." He looked around expectantly, but she was alone for once. Ashley had quickly become best friends with Joker and Pressly since joining the Normandy. They were still en route to the Citadel, to make their report to the Council, and Shepard was still in the doctor's care.  
"Working out, I see," she grinned at him, eyeing the sweat-soaked tank top he was wearing. "Feel like sparring? I'm super-bored right now."  
Kaidan frowned. He hadn't had a chance to review her training, and wasn't sure if this was a good idea.  
"Oh, come on, LT, I'll go easy. I just need to work off some stress."  
Kaidan wiped away the worst of the sweat with a towel, and tossed it aside. "Fine. Two out of three." He stepped onto the mat, and Ashley bounced up with all the confidence of a career soldier. Kaidan waited, and let her make the first move. He dodged the punch easily, then the next, then went right through her guard to hit her in the midsection. Ashley staggered back, trying to recover her breath, and he swept her legs from beneath her, then drove her down to the mat with another punch before she could block. "One."  
Ashley lay on the mat, stunned. "Damn, you hit hard," she said, admiringly.  
Kaidan didn't bother to respond. "Let me know when you're ready for the next round."  
"Can we just skip to the sex?" Ashley smiled. "I don't look good with bruises."  
Kaidan sighed. "Fine." He hated doing it this way, but he would take what he could get.  
"Geez, ya don't gotta sound so bored all the time." Ashley bounced to her feet. Just a second too late, she saw him move, and he slammed her back to the floor. Ashley was suddenly very grateful for the padding beneath her. Kaidan had her completely pinned, one hand at her throat and his body weight pressing her down to the floor.  
"Two," said Kaidan calmly. "I win." He moved his hand away from her throat and bent his head down to hers, kissed her until she was panting and straining eagerly against him. He slowly moved so that she could stand up, still controlling her with kisses. "Your room?"  
"Sure," smiled Ashley, and led the way to her crew quarters.  
Kaidan noticed Shepard walking upstairs as he followed Ashley to her room, and wondered what he had been doing on the lower level. Probably picking a new flavor of the month, he thought to himself. Then Ashley grabbed him and pulled him into her room, and he wasn't thinking about Shepard anymore.

"Where have you been hiding, Williams?" grinned Joker as Ashley walked in to the mess hall. "We needed another warm body for a game."  
"You know all those nightmares that Fredricks has about Alenko's cock?" grinned Ashley. "Oh, and the railings in my room are going to need repair."  
Joker stared at her, wide-eyed, and Ashley's grin got wider.  
Kaidan walked into the mess, looking unruffled as always, and nodded to Jeff before taking an energy bar and drink. "You want anything?"  
"I'll take a Tupari," said Ashley, and he slid a can to her across the table before going back to the food.  
"So," said Joker slowly, "need an extra pair of hands for anything?"  
Kaidan didn't bother to pretend to misunderstand his innuendo. "I don't share."  
"What?" Joker stared at him, and Ashley giggled. "You don't sleep with men, you don't share? That just goes against everything the Alliance stands for."  
Kaidan frowned. "Where's the peanut butter?" he asked without answering Joker's accusation.  
"Shepard took it, and the chocolate syrup. He's making little sculptures, then eating them." Kaidan looked at Joker. "I couldn't make this up if I tried."  
Jarrett walked into the mess hall, and silently handed the jar of peanut butter to Kaidan, licking peanut butter and chocolate from his fingers the entire time, then returned to the Captain's room, still licking chocolate syrup from his wrist as he walked.  
"Holy shit, that's distracting," breathed Joker, and Ashley nodded.  
Silently, Kaidan agreed, but turned away to start making himself a sandwich instead of commenting.  
"So who was Shepard with?" asked Ashley. "Biotics are always starving afterwards."  
Joker shrugged. "No idea. Wasn't me," he said ruefully. "Wasn't the Captain. Actually, Shepard's been in there for a while. Maybe he's still recovering from the whole thing with the beacon."  
Kaidan looked worriedly over at the Captain's room. "I'll be right back." He put his finished sandwiches on the table, and walked to the Captain's room with the peanut butter. The door wasn't in privacy mode, and slid open as he approached. "Shepard?"  
Jarrett was kneeling on the floor, in front of the coffee table. He had stolen one of the mess hall trays, and on it, had sculpted a little forest, populated with little peanut butter people and animals. He looked up from drawing a chocolate syrup river towards which the little people were apparently fleeing. "I'm a dragon," he explained. "Soon the entire village will be destroyed by my mighty wrath."  
Kaidan laughed a little. "Here, I'm done with the peanut butter." He opened it and set it down on the table, so Jarrett could reach it. He looked curiously at Jarrett. "Are you okay?"  
"No," Jarrett sighed. "I have a nightmare stuck in my head, I got Nihlus killed, and I failed miserably in my mission. Not only am I not going to be a Spectre, I'm probably going to be locked up in a prison or a loony bin for the rest of my life."  
"The Alliance won't let that happen," said Kaidan reassuringly. "It wasn't your fault. Nobody knew about the geth. You did a lot better than anyone else could have, Shepard. We'll explain everything to the Council, and if they don't like it, they can go screw themselves."  
Jarrett looked up at him, his wide blue eyes inscrutable. "Would you like a villager?"  
"Can I drown her in chocolate first?"  
"Sure." Jarrett took a napkin and passed over the bottle of syrup, and Kaidan proceeded to cover one of the little peanut butter people in chocolate before devouring it.  
"Thanks." Kaidan grinned. "Those are tasty." He glanced around the room, and noted that there were two bottles of water resting on the floor near Jarrett. "Well, let me know if you need anything." He left the room, and returned to the mess hall to eat his food.  
"Well?" demanded Ashley.  
"He's stressed out, and yes, he really is making peanut butter sculptures."  
"Shepard's really talented with his hands," Joker offered. "Maybe I should go keep him company."  
Kaidan rolled his eyes, and ate his sandwiches without commenting. Before Joker could make up his mind, Pressly appeared and dragged him off for a game of poker.  
"Anyone else want to play?" offered Pressly, as they were leaving.  
Ashley looked at Kaidan. He shrugged. "I'll play," she finished her drink, and walked off with Joker and Pressly, leaving him alone at the table.  
Kaidan finished his sandwiches slowly, and tried to decide what to do. He got up and went to check on Shepard again, just to make sure he was okay. He walked into the Captain's cabin. The little village was mostly gone, and Jarrett was lying on the couch, probably passed out in a biotic 'sugar coma.' Kaidan smiled to himself, and cleaned up the mess.  
He was walking out of the room when he heard Jarrett say, "Thanks, Kaidan," very softly. Kaidan looked back in surprise, but Jarrett had turned over to face the wall, and looked completely asleep again.  
"You're welcome," said Kaidan lamely, but Jarrett didn't answer. Kaidan left him to sleep.

"So, yeah, the Council thinks I'm crazy. No big surprise."  
Kaidan was very glad that the Council couldn't see Jarrett right now. He was sprawled on the floor, wearing bunny slippers and purple pajamas, sitting with the twins and some of the other women from navigation, doing each other's nails and hair. "I can't imagine why." Joker, Pressly, and Ashley were on the couch right behind them, helping them pick out colors and making lewd comments.  
Jarrett ignored Kaidan's dry comment, and continued talking. "Anyway, Garrus, make yourself at home. Pull up a chair or something."  
Their Turian guest was leaning against the wall of the recreation room, watching the techs set up the room for movie night. "Thank you," said Garrus, "I'm actually more comfortable here."  
All the humans were wearing pajamas of some sort. Ashley was wearing a light cotton kimono, while Joker was wearing a nightshirt over sweatpants. Kaidan was just wearing sweatpants, and one of the engineers, who was supposed to be helping with setup, kept accidentally touching his chest while she was going back and forth from the mess hall to the snack table.  
"So, like, you and that doctor," said Jarrett questioningly.  
"We're just friends," Garrus chuckled.  
"Really? Because she seemed sort of… proprietary."  
"Human females get that way, I've noticed," mused Garrus. "We only had relations a few times, it wasn't anything serious." The Turian shrugged, and every woman in the room turned to stare at him, as well as a few men. "What? Did I say something odd?"  
"Oh, so it is possible." Jarrett pulled out his omni-tool and started searching, and all the women around him leaned over to see.  
"What are they doing?"  
Kaidan sighed. "They're researching interspecies sex on the off chance that they might happen to end up in bed with you."  
"From the pictures, it would probably be more comfortable standing up," commented Ashley.  
"Or on a couch," Joker added. "Oh, look at that!"  
Garrus turned to Kaidan. "Are they always like this?"  
"You get used to it."  
Garrus shifted nervously as the women whispered to each other and looked at him appraisingly. "What movie are we watching, anyway?"  
"The series is called 'Once Upon a Time in China,' it's a comedy-romance-war epic set in ancient Human times. Do you need the link?" asked Jarrett.  
"Yeah, that would help," Garrus smiled. He walked over to the Jarrett and the cluster of women, and crouched down next to them so Jarrett could lean over and key in the extranet link. "Thanks," he returned to his previous position so that he could look up the three movies that they were going to be watching tonight.  
Kaidan smiled to himself at Garrus' clever maneuvering. The way the Turian was showing off his sleek strength proved that he knew more about Human women than he pretended. Kaidan finished setting up the snack table, and the chairs and pillows were all set up for the crew to lounge on and watch the movies. Kaidan looked over at Garrus, as he sat down on the floor, reclining with his back to the wall. He was about to offer Garrus a spot on the couch when he noticed what Garrus was reading on his omni-tool. He wasn't looking up information about the movies – he was reading a medical fact sheet on the sexual anatomy of Human males.  
"Seriously?" Kaidan realized he had said that out loud, and pretended that he had spilled his drink. He walked over to the table to get a napkin, glad that the lights were dimmed and no one could see him. Why was everyone in the galaxy hot for Shepard?

The Normandy's crew poured into Chora's Den. Kaidan looked around curiously. The place looked the same as it had before Shepard had torn it apart to find the late, unlamented Fist. Wrex settled himself in one of the booths to watch an Asari stripper gyrate to the music while Tali sat down with the Normandy's Chief Engineer, still talking avidly about some new polymer they were trying to design. Jarrett headed to the back of the bar, and Kaidan followed, as did Ashley and Garrus.  
"I wonder who's running this place now," Jarrett wondered aloud, and walked past the guards in the storeroom to the office.  
"Shepard! What's this I hear? You're a Spectre now? Gung hei, gung hei!" The speaker was a fat, unpleasant looking man with narrow eyes. He held out his hand to Jarrett, ignoring the others.  
"Ai ya, mei gam dong!" exclaimed Jarrett, and sat down across from the fat man, talking excitedly.  
"Did my translator just glitch?" asked Garrus curiously. "I have no idea what they are saying."  
"No, they're speaking Cantonese," explained Kaidan, "it's a Human dialect that isn't in the galactic translators, for political reasons. The gangs on Earth use it instead of Standard."  
"Political reasons?"  
"They like to pretend no one speaks it," sighed Ashley.  
Jarrett's flow of singsong chatter finally paused, and he gestured at his companions. "Mourad, this is my crew. We came here to celebrate. Guys, this is Mourad. We were in the Reds together, back on Earth."  
"Any friend of little Shepard is a friend of mine," smiled the fat man, in a way that made Kaidan want to punch him in the mouth. "Drinks are on me, and if anyone is looking for anything special, just let me know."  
"Thanks," Kaidan muttered insincerely.  
"I'm just gonna hang here for a bit, and catch up. You guys go have some fun." Jarrett smiled, and went back to chattering away at the fat man, who listened indulgently, laughing uproariously from time to time. Ashley and Garrus went back to the main part of the bar, but Kaidan sat down on one of the couches in the office to wait for Jarrett, and to make sure Mourad didn't try anything.  
Mourad said something, and Jarrett glanced behind him, blushing furiously. The only word in his sentence that Kaidan understood was 'Daddy.' Mourad smirked, and Kaidan suspected that the rest was something obscene.  
"What? Kaidan, what are you still doing here?"  
Kaidan shrugged. "I'm not a social person."  
"You want a drink? Get the man a drink," Mourad commanded one of the guards at the back. "Or if you want some company, I can hook you up with one of girls. Asari, Human, they'll do anything you want. No boys, yet," Mourad grinned at Jarrett, "they're a bit harder to come by out here."  
"No, thank you," said Kaidan firmly, "I'll just wait for you and Shepard to finish talking."  
Mourad switched back to Cantonese, and made a comment that made Jarrett blush, then burst out laughing. Jarrett leaned forward, and patted the fat man's shoulder, then stood up. Mourad flashed a dark smile at Kaidan, then bid farewell to Jarrett.  
"Joi ginh," grinned Jarrett. "Okay, we can leave now, and you can stop embarrassing me."  
"What did he say?" asked Kaidan as they walked back to the bar. "About your father?"  
Jarrett blushed. "He was being a jerk. Implied that I was being kept on a short leash. Don't worry, I set him straight. Anyway, he was serious about the free drinks and hookers, if you're interested." Jarrett shrugged. "I dunno, I've given up trying to figure out what you like."  
Kaidan tried to ignore the image of Jarrett on a leash. "I'm not interested," he said flatly as Jarrett walked away. The last part of Jarrett's comment finally filtered through to his brain. "Wait – what?" Jarrett had already walked to the bar, and was teasing the central dancer. "Why would he want to know what I like?"


	3. UNSEEN

"What do you have against Liara?" grinned Joker. "She's really nice."  
Jarrett balanced his knife on the tip of his finger. "Nothing, really. I guess I have my full complement of aliens on the ship now. Do I get some kind of prize for that?"  
Wrex chuckled, but didn't bother answering Joker's question.  
Garrus watched, fascinated as Jarrett played with the blade.  
"You're not thinking of attacking her, are you?" asked Ashley.  
"Of course I am," protested Jarrett. "Doesn’t mean I'll do it, though."  
"Well, she likes you," said Joker. "You and Kaidan are all she ever talks about."  
"Yeah, that's great," said Jarrett sourly, and sent his knife into the air, catching it again smoothly. "I'm so glad she was able to make it so my nightmares come in with more clarity and repeat themselves faster. That was just great."  
Kaidan walked into the mess hall, Liara holding his arm gently. She had latched onto him after her rescue from Therum, and had managed to hold his attention longer than any other woman on the Normandy.  
"Hello," said Liara uncertainly.  
Jarrett put his knife away, and everyone else greeted her with more or less enthusiasm. "I'm going to check our ETA to the Citadel." Jarrett brushed past Liara and went upstairs to the CIC.  
Liara looked after him, concern evident on her pretty face. "Joker, shouldn't you go check too?"  
"He treats you like dirt, and you're worrying about him. What is wrong with you?" demanded Ashley.  
Liara looked up at Kaidan, confused, and was reassured by what she saw in his eyes. "Shouldn't everyone be worrying about Shepard?" she asked Ashley. "He's the key to stopping Saren. He might even be the key to something larger, and more dangerous, and he has to carry all that weight alone," she sighed.  
Ashley rolled her eyes, Wrex burst into cruel laughter, and Joker got up to follow Shepard. Liara looked at Kaidan in confusion.  
"Don't worry about it," advised Kaidan, and started making something to eat for himself and Liara.  
The Normandy arrived at the Citadel, and Shepard left to go report to Anderson, taking Ashley and Garrus with him. Kaidan ran the normal ship diagnostics while waiting for them to return, and installed some new parts in the main console with Liara helping him as much as she could.  
"Oh, that's so cute, she fetches," grinned Ashley. "Honey, you know you can just tell him to carry his own damn datapads three feet, right?"  
"I like to be useful," protested Liara. She looked around. "Where's Shepard?"  
"He's not here?" Ashley frowned. "He was ahead of us. Hey, Garrus, where's Shepard?"  
Liara stood up nervously.  
"Calm down," Kaidan commanded gently. He ran the personnel scan, and confirmed that Jarrett wasn't on the ship. "Ashley, did you pass Chora's Den? You might want to check there."  
"Oh, good point," agreed Ashley. She grabbed Garrus, and left the ship again.  
"Do you think they'll find him?" asked Liara, almost fearfully. "Is there anywhere else they should look?"  
Kaidan sighed, and set down the pads he was working on. "Stay here, I'll go look for him." He wiped most of the grease from his arms and pulled off his gloves.  
"All right, and if he shows up, I'll call you right away," Liara promised.  
Kaidan decided not to bother putting on his armor, and just walked out in his work clothes. The Citadel was always bigger than he expected it to be. If Jarrett wasn't at Chora's Den, then he was probably in the candy store where he stocked up on bubblegum and flavored sugar sticks. Kaidan went to the upper ward, and walked past the other stores, searching the crowd for any sign of Jarrett.  
A flash of shocking pink nails caught his attention, a young Colonial woman wearing the same color of nail polish that Jarrett had been wearing the other day. Kaidan let his eyes rove over the young woman as she walked away. She was tastefully dressed, in a long skirt over serviceable rather than fashionable boots, with an oversized sweater over a comfortable turtleneck, all in pleasant earth tones that subdued her dark hair. She was carrying a shopping bag full of what looked like presents. Kaidan blinked in surprise, and looked at her hands again. He pushed his way through the crowd, trying to get to the elevator before it was too late.  
He just made it, and jumped into the elevator as the doors closed. Wide blue eyes looked up at him in shock, tinged with a little fear.  
"What – what the hell are you wearing?" blurted Kaidan.  
Jarrett stared at the doors, and wished that the elevator would move faster. "I'm going on a quick sidetrip. I'll be back tomorrow."  
"Are you out of your damn mind? You can't just walk off like this!"  
Jarrett glanced up at Kaidan. "You would have just assumed I got drunk in a bar and was too hungover to make it back."  
Kaidan flushed. "Well, that's not - you can't, I mean, why are you dressed as a woman?" he demanded again.  
"Because I'm pretending not to be Shepard," snapped Jarrett. "And what are you wearing? You look like an indentured servant."  
"Thank you," said Kaidan sharply. He was aware that he looked dirty and disreputable, especially standing next to the prim and neat Colonist that Jarrett appeared to be. The elevator doors opened, and Jarrett stepped out. They were at the domestic shuttle bay, and Jarrett paused at the size of the crowd.  
"Oh, hey beautiful, you can keep us company on the flight," leered a drunken mercenary. He backpedaled as Kaidan stepped out of the elevator to stand protectively next to Jarrett. "Oh, sorry, didn't see your hubby. No harm, no foul," the man staggered away.  
Jarrett gritted his teeth in frustration.  
"Did you buy your tickets already?" asked Kaidan quietly.  
Jarrett shook his head.  
"Come on, let's get tickets before the shuttle takes off."  
"You are not going with me," Jarrett hissed as loudly as he dared.  
"You're not stopping me," snarled Kaidan under his breath. He grabbed Jarrett's arm, and dragged him over to the ticket kiosk. With a frustrated sigh, Jarrett gave in and purchased two tickets. Kaidan didn't ask where they were going, but tried to get the worst of the oil and grime off his hands.  
"Here," Jarrett led him away from the kiosk, and handed Kaidan a small handkerchief from his pocket. Kaidan accepted it gratefully, and wiped off his hands. They sat silently in the waiting area until the shuttle boarded. The shuttle's final destination was Caleston, and the cabin was crowded with rude miners and bored mercenaries.  
Kaidan kept Jarrett close, and got two seats together near one of the doors. He made Jarrett sit by the window.  
"Thanks," whispered Jarrett quietly, then lapsed into silence until the second stop, a medical research station. "We're here."  
Kaidan again led the way, and this time took the bag from Jarrett. "How were you ever planning to do this alone?" he asked as they walked to the entrance of the medical facility.  
"I didn't really plan this," said Jarrett quietly. At some point, he had taken hold of Kaidan's hand from sheer nervousness. He kept letting go when he realized what he was doing, but would do it again if anyone got too close. He let go of Kaidan's hand now, and they entered the crisp white building. Jarrett nervously fished out a letter, and silently handed it over to the security mech at the entrance. The mech summoned a nurse, who took the bag of presents, and led them to a viewing room.  
The viewscreen flickered to life, and Kaidan watched Jarrett leap forward at the sight of a young girl, no more than six or seven, lying in a bed. She looked pale and wan, but she sat up easily as the nurse entered and handed over the bag. The little girl's eyes grew wide at the sight and she eagerly pulled out the various toys and candy. Kaidan noted that her eyes were the same color as Jarrett's. A younger sister? Daughter? Niece?  
Jarrett stared silently at the girl, his face unreadable as he watched her joyfully opening the presents. When she hugged a little doll, he brushed at his face and Kaidan quickly looked away. He noted a medical console, and checked it. The little girl was only identified as Patient 394, with her real identity classified. She had just recovered from complications associated with surgery to correct a congenital heart defect. He noted that she had the same rare blood type as Jarrett. Probably his daughter, then. Kaidan tried to do the math in his head, but it didn't make sense. He gave up and turned back to Jarrett.  
"What is that?"  
"Her medical records. The surgery was harder than they anticipated, but she pulled through. Her prognosis looks good. Their biggest problem was finding enough blood for transfusions, but that's over. She'll be fine."  
"Are you sure?" asked Jarrett shakily.  
"The coordinating physician seems quite competent. His notes are very thorough. It was just a hard surgery."  
Jarrett nodded, and suddenly sat down, as if his legs would no longer hold him.  
"She'll be fine," Kaidan repeated. "She'll probably have to spend the next few months at the hospital, though." Kaidan glanced at the viewscreen. "I think the presents will be a big help. Patients make a better recovery when they think someone is waiting for them." The last present in the bag was a tiny music box, and the little girl was playing the snippet of song over and over. Kaidan didn't recognize the tune.  
Jarrett stared at the toes of his boots in silence, and a tear rolled down his face.  
"I won't tell anyone," said Kaidan gently. "And I won't ask you anything."  
"Thank you, Kaidan." Jarrett wiped his face again. "We should get going, or we won't be able to get back for two days."  
Kaidan nodded. They walked back to the spaceport, and he tried to pretend that he couldn't see Jarrett crying. "Where did you change?" he asked, hoping to distract him.  
"In the restroom of the candy store. There are no security cameras there."  
Kaidan laughed. "I did not know that." He looked curiously at Jarrett. "You do this a lot?"  
Jarrett shrugged. "It's convenient for getting away unseen. Besides," he grinned wryly, "I have the body for it."  
Kaidan didn't comment on that, and they got onto a shuttle returning to the Citadel. This one wasn't as crowded as the other, and they had a whole row to themselves. Kaidan put up the arms of the middle seat. "Here, you can stretch out, and take a nap."  
Jarrett nodded, and curled up on the chairs, staring out the window.  
Kaidan stretched out in the aisle seats, and tried to relax. He drifted off a bit, only waking up when the final stop was announced. Kaidan tried to remember where he was, and looked down. His arm was draped protectively over Jarrett, who was curled up with his head in Kaidan's lap. Kaidan took a deep breath, and forced himself to maintain some semblance of self-control, and gently shook Jarrett's shoulder. "Wake up, we're here."  
Jarrett stretched, elongating himself like a cat, then draped himself over Kaidan's lap again, mumbling something about not wanting to get up.  
"No, really, you have to get up," Kaidan insisted, hoping he didn't sound as disturbed as he felt.  
Jarrett twisted sinuously and looked curiously at Kaidan, as if he was expecting to see someone else there. "Oh," he said quietly, and sat up quickly, fixing his skirt and brushing down his hair.  
Kaidan stared at the chair in front of him, and didn't look at Jarrett. "Are you ready?"  
Jarrett nodded silently. Kaidan took his hand, and Jarrett made no protest as Kaidan led him back to the Citadel.

"What the – " Joker fell silent as Kaidan and Jarrett returned to the Normandy. Jarrett, wearing his uniform again, walked down to the Captain's cabin without saying anything to anyone, and Kaidan, still in his stained and sweaty work clothes, headed for the showers, pausing only to grab a change of clothes from his room.  
"You look like you slept in your clothes," observed Wrex from the recreation room as Kaidan walked by without speaking.  
"Think bail was involved?" muttered Pressly, and Kaidan shot an angry glare at him. "How many of those icy glares do you have, Lieutenant?"  
Kaidan ignored him, and went to the shower. The water was soothing and warm, and he leaned against the wall and just let the water wash over him for a few minutes.  
"Oh!" Liara skipped into the shower and threw her arms around him. "You found him! You brought him back!"  
Kaidan put his arms around her, and gave her a quick kiss. "I said I would." He kissed her again, seeking relief from the tension that threatened to devour him in the touch of her lips.  
"I knew you would," she said softly. "I was just worried."  
"Oh, the perils of a public showering space," quipped Jarrett. He was wrapped in a fuzzy white robe, with his hair wrapped in a thick towel. "I'm trying to find a bottle of – oh, there it is. Behind you."  
Kaidan looked where Jarrett was pointing and passed over the bottle of conditioner.  
"Thanks," said Jarrett cheerfully, "you two can go back to doing whatever it was you were doing."  
Liara looked up at Kaidan. "Why can't he join us?"  
"I don't share," said Kaidan grimly.  
"But, surely you would make an exception for Shepard," she protested.  
Kaidan closed and locked the door to the shower, and pulled Liara back into his arms.


	4. UNLEASHED

Noveria. Ice cold on the outside.  
Kaidan pulled on the jacket for his costume. He was dressed as a "Wall Street Shark," one of the bestial capitalists that had done so much damage to the North American states before their complete unification. The outfit suited him, and his current mood. The slacks were tight in unfamiliar places, but he couldn't deny that it was an attractive, if aggressively masculine, look.  
They were having a costume party in the hotel, courtesy of one of the corporate representatives here, who was an old friend of Jarrett's. Jarrett apparently had friends everywhere. Kaidan wondered what Jarrett would be wearing. He straightened the blood-red tie, and left his room to check on Liara.  
"Go away!" she sobbed.  
"Liara, at least go to the party. You'll have fun," he said, trying to convince her. "The world doesn't end just because I'm not sleeping with you anymore."  
"You're not sleeping with Liara anymore?" said Joker excitedly. "Does that mean she's available?"  
Kaidan rolled his eyes. "You ask her, I'm going down to the party." Kaidan headed for the elevator, and stopped and stared. Jarrett was waiting there for the elevator. He was wearing knee-high black leather boots, laced up the front. Skintight black leather pants, also held closed with lacing in the front and down the sides. A silky shirt, with a froth of lacy ruffles at his throat. Fingerless black leather gauntlets that went to his elbows. He hadn't cut his hair in days, and it fell to his shoulders in silky waves. And of course, his fingernails were painted. Black, today, decorated with distracting little sparkly things. And he was wearing makeup again, his lips drawn fuller and more luscious than ever in red; his eyes heavily mascared and outlined with kohl.  
"Elevator's here." Jarrett stepped in, and held the door. "You coming, or are you going to try to make up with Liara?"  
Kaidan walked into the elevator.  
"I like what you're wearing," Jarrett complimented him. "Too bad you don't sleep with guys."  
Kaidan took a deep breath. "You know, I've never actually said that."  
Jarrett looked at him in surprise. "You never contradicted anyone about it." He looked curiously at Kaidan, who was staring at the elevator door. "So, Alenko, do you sleep with guys?"  
The elevator doors opened. "It depends on the guy." Kaidan held the door open for Jarrett.  
Jarrett stepped out, his eyes on Kaidan. "So… what does a guy have to do to get in bed with you?"  
"Depends on what the guy wants," said Kaidan slowly, holding Jarrett's eyes with his, as he stepped out of the elevator.  
Jarrett suddenly noticed how close Kaidan was, and backed away in surprise.  
Kaidan walked away to the party, not waiting to see if Jarrett was following.  
Noveria was only ice cold on the outside.

"Come on, I spent forty thousand getting this party set up, don't I deserve a little something from you?" asked Jarrett's old friend in his heavily accented Standard. They were dancing, or rather Jarrett was dancing, and his friend was standing on the dance floor, watching him and trying to convince Jarrett to go upstairs with him. Jarrett's shirt had disappeared sometime in the ten minutes that Kaidan hadn't been watching him. There was no sign of it anywhere.  
"I agree," grinned Jarrett, "And I think you're getting exactly what you deserve."  
"Excuse me," said Kaidan calmly, cutting the man off before he could respond to Jarrett. "I think this is my dance."  
Jarrett stared at him in surprise, but didn't say anything as Kaidan pulled him away for the next song. "Have you been drinking?" Jarrett asked finally.  
Kaidan was amused to note that Jarrett never stopped dancing, moving his lithe body constantly in perfect time with the music. For the party, they had replaced the standard calming Asari droning with a mix of Human music, Human beats. "No, I have not been drinking," he answered calmly.  
"You just don't normally act like this, that's all. It's very confusing."  
"What's confusing about it?" Kaidan challenged. "I wanted to dance with you." He put his hands on Jarrett's hips, matching his rhythm. "Not just dance in the same room that you happen to be in. I wanted to dance. With you."  
Jarrett was silent, strangely disoriented but the warmth of Kaidan's hands on his body.  
"So what happens when the dance is over?" Kaidan asked quietly.  
"I'm not sure," said Jarrett swiftly. "I still have to think about it."  
"Take your time," said Kaidan with his normal calm. "I don't want you to do anything you'd regret later." The song ended, and Kaidan walked away, leaving Jarrett to be reclaimed by his old friend.  
"Who the hell was that?" he demanded.  
Jarrett watched Kaidan walking to the bar. "I'm not sure."  
Kaidan ordered a drink, and glanced over his shoulder to see if Jarrett was still dancing, but he couldn't see Jarrett anywhere. He turned back to the bar, and sipped carefully at his drink. He looked up as someone sidled up to the bar, right next to him. Someone soft and warm, with the characteristic elevated body heat of a Human biotic. "Hello."  
Jarrett smiled up at him, his blue eyes sparkling with humor. "Hello!" He waved to the bartender, his fingers glittering in the lights. "I'd like a blow job," he announced, and almost everyone at the bar dropped their drink. Kaidan managed to catch his before the glass hit the bar, but not everyone was so lucky. Jarrett laughed, and the bartender recovered enough to make the mixed drink.  
"It's free if you drink it without using your hands," said the bartender, and set the drink in front of Jarrett. The bartender put extra whipped cream on top, and stepped back to watch the show.  
Jarrett put his hands behind his head, pulling his hair out of the way, and carefully started licking away the whipped cream at the edge of the shot glass, then moved his tongue up the column of whipped cream, swirled his tongue around the top, then slowly and carefully lapped his way down until all the cream was gone. Then, he wrapped his lips around the mouth of the glass, taking the whole thing in his mouth, tilted his head back in one smooth motion, arched his back and everyone at the bar could see the thick, creamy drink disappear into his mouth, his throat working swiftly to swallow it straight down. Jarrett's tongue slid into the glass again, licking away every trace of the sweet liquor that he could reach before he bent his head down again, and carefully deposited the glass back on the counter.  
Jarrett suddenly realized that Kaidan's arm was around his waist. "Thanks for the drink," smiled Jarrett, and slid away, as Kaidan let him go without a word. He suspected that Kaidan knew perfectly well that he would be back.  
Kaidan finished his drink, and decided against another one. He wanted to dance with Jarrett again. He walked to the dance floor, and this time Jarrett came to him, leaving the person he had been dancing with to move closer to Kaidan. "You look like you've made up your mind."  
Jarrett twisted sinuously, with a wicked little smile. "Maybe."  
"Are you playing games with me?" asked Kaidan calmly.  
"I like games," smiled Jarrett. "I like showing off." He moved closer, close enough to touch, but never quite making contact with Kaidan's body as he danced. "I'm still not sure what you like."  
"I like games, but only certain kinds. And I don't like doing public performances."  
"And you don't share."  
"I do not share," Kaidan repeated.  
Despite what he had just said about public performances, Jarrett pounced on him, his bare chest pressed against Kaidan's suit jacket, his slender leather-clad legs twining around Kaidan's more solid body. Before Kaidan could protest, Jarrett's lips were on his, tempestuous and demanding, his hands, half-covered by the leather, half-bare, sliding along Kaidan's arms to meet and lock behind Kaidan's head. "Tell me what you want from me, Alenko," whispered Jarrett. It was obvious that Jarrett knew exactly what Kaidan wanted. He just wanted to hear him say it.  
Kaidan glared at him, trying not to be angry. He hated being stared at, but he knew that everyone was watching them now, and there was nothing he could do about it, not if he wanted to end the evening with Jarrett in his arms. Furious at Jarrett's clever manipulation, he leaned in close and kissed his lips, forcing himself against Jarrett's softness until the redness wasn't all lipstick. He moved his lips closer to Jarrett's ear, whispered softly, "I want to fuck you, Shepard."  
"Oh?" whispered Jarrett with a smirk and a hungry growl. "That doesn't sound like you, Alenko. Are you sure?" Jarrett's body moved slowly against Kaidan's, grinding their bodies together to the beat of the music, working Kaidan to an unbearable hardness.  
Part of Kaidan wasn't sure that this was a good idea, trying to play this game with the most dangerous man in the galaxy. What little he knew about Jarrett proved to him that Jarrett was totally different from anything that he had any experience with, and he wasn't really sure that this would work the way he wanted it to. The rest of him, including his cock, was mesmerized by the slender, blue-eyed beauty in his arms that looked like he could fuck all night long. He leaned closer, and kissed Jarrett's neck. The warmth, the musky scent of Shepard's body decided him. "I want to fuck you," he repeated, whispering quietly so that no one could hear him except Jarrett. "I want to fill you up, and watch my come spill out of you. I want to make you scream for more –" he stopped in surprise as Jarrett suddenly hissed in warning.  
Jarrett panted for a moment, recovering himself. "Fuck, the way you talk almost made me come right here. I thought you were against public performances," said Jarrett mockingly, still moving rhythmically against Kaidan. He had somehow managed to wrap one leg around Kaidan's waist, and was now openly rubbing his cock on Kaidan's body. Kaidan growled softly, and buried his face in Jarrett's neck. "I seriously thought you didn't like men, Alenko. But I see now that I was wrong. Our audience has also realized this."  
Kaidan blushed furiously, and didn't move to look at the stares he knew he was getting. Jarrett laughed cruelly. "Someone ought to give you a good spanking," Kaidan snarled, his voice still low and his face still buried in Jarrett's neck.  
"Ooh, I really like that idea," laughed Jarrett, his voice dangerous and dark. "I like you when you're mad, Alenko. If you fuck as hard as you hit, I'll come back for a second helping. Let's go upstairs already, I'm not getting paid enough to entertain the crowd."  
"Why not? I guess you've proved your point," said Kaidan softly.  
Jarrett looked at him questioningly.  
"You're irresistible."  
Jarrett smiled. "Well, that's true, but that's not what I wanted to prove." He slid his lips up to Kaidan's ear, kissing the strong jawline as he went. "I wanted to prove that you are."  
"Let's go." Kaidan wanted to pretend that not everyone was watching him leave, hand in hand with Jarrett Shepard. He wanted to pretend the shocked silence from the Normandy crew wasn't because of him being with Jarrett. But he couldn't, so he ignored all the stares and the sly comments about the sex drive of biotics, and instead focused on Jarrett. The warmth of his hands, the curves of his body beneath the leather, the beauty of his face.  
"Will this get you in trouble with the little blue whore?" grinned Jarrett after the elevator doors closed.  
Kaidan glared at him. "She is not a whore. Don't talk about her."  
Jarrett put his arms around Kaidan, rubbed himself against Kaidan's body like a cat. "So what can I talk about?"  
"We're playing a game, right, Shepard?" Kaidan put his arms around Jarrett again, slowly backed him up against the wall. "I need to know the rules."  
Jarrett pressed himself even harder against Kaidan, panting slightly as he moved. "Sure, I like games. Let's see... if I call you by your middle name, you need to stop. How's that sound?"  
"That's it?" Kaidan put his hands on Jarrett's hips, forced him to hold still so he could meet his eyes. "That's your only boundary, Shepard?" Unflinching, Jarrett's wide blue eyes seemed to bore into Kaidan's soul. "You're just going to let me do whatever I want?"  
"You haven't said anything I'm not interested in, Alenko," Jarrett smiled slowly. "It's just one night. You're not gonna kill me. So let's play." The elevator stopped, and Jarrett waited for Kaidan to move. "Well, Alenko?"  
Kaidan watched his eyes, and decided that Jarrett really did want to play this game. "What room?"  
Jarrett handed him the key. "Suite 14."  
Of course, Noveria had given the Council Spectre the largest suite. Kaidan took Jarrett's hand, and led him down the hall, trying to decide if he really wanted to do this. How he wanted to do this. The warm hand in his was confident, firm. Trusting. All Kaidan had to do was live up to that trust. Kaidan opened the door, and threw Jarrett inside. He slammed the door closed behind him, and set the room to privacy mode.  
Jarrett stumbled, twisted like a cat, and ended up kneeling on the floor, facing Kaidan. Kaidan turned on the lights, not too high, not too low. "Nice start, Alenko," grinned Jarrett approvingly.  
Kaidan slapped him, sharply, not hard enough to knock him to the floor, just hard enough to make him sway a little. Not nearly hard enough to make him bleed.  
Jarrett touched the side of his mouth, stared at Kaidan expectantly.  
"My name is Kaidan." Jarrett considered, not quite panting, and Kaidan raised his hand again.  
"Yes, Kaidan. I'm sorry, Kaidan."  
So, he did know this game. Kaidan lowered his hand, and looked curiously around the room.  
"Kaidan? There's an ottoman, there," he pointed. "You might find that comfortable, if you're looking for somewhere to sit," suggested Jarrett, smiling again. His eyes were warm with lust and eager for more. There was a slight mark on his handsome face where Kaidan had struck him. Kaidan bent down to kiss it, and from there, his lips, forcing Jarrett's lips apart so that he could taste his mouth. Jarrett tasted like sweet liquor, and Kaidan kissed him until Jarrett gasped for air, then finally pulled away.  
"I don't see where you get off calling Liara a whore," said Kaidan sharply, in contrast to the warm, hungry kiss. "I've never met a bigger slut than you. I swear, some days I think I'm the only man on the Normandy you haven't fucked." Jarrett laughed in his face, and Kaidan slapped him again, more carefully this time, so he wouldn't leave a mark. Kaidan stood up, and slowly undid the fastening of his pants. "Am I?"  
"No, Kaidan, I haven't fucked Garrus. Or Wrex, for that matter." Jarrett was grinning like a cat in front of a bowl of cream. His eyes were transfixed by the sight of Kaidan's unrestrained cock springing up to greet him.  
"Have they fucked you?" asked Kaidan. He sounded calm, as if this were a normal, everyday conversation.  
"Wrex isn't interested in Humans, so no." Jarrett leaned forward a little, to try and take Kaidan's cock in his mouth.  
"Garrus?" Kaidan pushed him away, and held his head in place by digging his fingers into Jarrett's hair. "Answer me."  
"No, Kaidan, but not for want of trying," Jarrett smiled. "I'm something of a cocktease." He looked up at Kaidan, his lips curved in a wide smile.  
Kaidan leaned forward and pulled Jarrett's head closer at the same time. His cock slid easily between Jarrett's lips, and Kaidan moaned in appreciation as Jarrett angled his head to get the whole thing in his mouth. "Fuck around with my cock, and I will make you pay for it."  
Jarrett ran his tongue over the head, along the thick vein, kissed the base before asking, "And if I do a good job, do I get a reward?"  
"You'll get my cock in your ass," Kaidan promised. "One way or another."  
Jarrett smiled, looking more than ever like a very happy cat, and swallowed Kaidan's cock again, using his hand to help stimulate Kaidan. "Would you mind if I got myself off while I do this?"  
"You're enjoying sucking me off that much?"  
Jarrett kissed the base again, and smiled up at Kaidan. "I love how calm your voice is, Kaidan. It is amazing to listen to. I seriously think I could get off to you reading the duty roster out loud."  
Kaidan's cock twitched at the idea of Jarrett having an orgasm, but he didn't like Jarrett's method of getting there. "I didn't bring you here to watch you jerk off. Get back on my cock, slut."  
Still smiling, Jarrett returned to worshipping Kaidan's cock with his mouth, using the same motions that he had used earlier with the drink, sliding his tongue along the underside, swirling his tongue around the head, sinking the entire length into his mouth. He moved forward, still on his knees, using his hands to pull Kaidan's hips closer to his body, so that Kaidan could thrust into his willing and eager mouth.  
Kaidan felt himself getting too close, and used Jarrett's hair to pull him away. "Up," he commanded. He pulled Jarrett close for a kiss, tasting himself on Jarrett's lips, kissed the bruise again. He stepped away, and looked carefully at Jarrett. "Strip. Leave the gloves on." Kaidan made no move to remove his own clothes.  
Jarrett smiled impishly, and carefully removed his boots, showing off his personal flexibility by not bending over to remove them. He slowly undid the laces keeping his pants closed, his eyes on Kaidan's, waiting for a cue. Kaidan moved his head gently, and Jarrett turned around to let the leather pants fall to the ground, revealing his perfectly shaped body, a tattoo on his lower back, and the fact that he wasn't wearing any underwear. He stepped away from the pants, and Kaidan took each of Jarrett's hands in his, holding the beautiful and dangerous body to him, his cock rubbing against Jarrett.  
"Do you feel that, slut? Do you feel what you do to me?" Kaidan brought Jarrett's hands around, held them in place behind the small of his back, forcing Jarrett a little farther away. He looked down at Jarrett's hardness, whispered into Jarrett's ear. "You want to know why I broke up with Liara? It's because I kept screaming your name while I was fucking her."  
Jarrett laughed in surprise. "Really?"  
"That's why I'm here, slut, and why I'm going to fuck you until you scream my name. It's up to you whether it will be because you're begging for more, or begging me to stop."  
Jarrett smiled in pleasure. "It's easy to make me scream, Kaidan, but if you want your name in there, you're going to have to be exceptional." Jarrett gasped in surprise as Kaidan suddenly bent him over the arm of the couch, his body perfectly placed for Kaidan's penetration. Kaidan pulled off the tie from his costume, and used it to restrain Jarrett's hands. "I have cuffs, if you want."  
Kaidan slapped Jarrett, a quick sharp blow on his upturned ass. "Thank you, slut, I'm fine with what I have."  
"I was just trying to help," Jarrett grumbled. "Don't want to ruin your tie."  
"Try it," Kaidan invited.  
Jarrett twisted his hands, and realized the fabric of the tie was reinforced in some way, and the knot wasn't giving way.  
Kaidan chuckled as he watched Jarrett wriggle. "You do remember I'm a medic, right? There's a whole course on tying people up so they can't get away."  
"Pervert," Jarrett laughed. "Soo… Kaidan… will there be fucking anytime soon?"  
Kaidan slapped him again. "You'll get my cock when I feel like giving it to you, and not a second before." He looked around again. "You do have some lube around here, right?"  
"Bedroom."  
Kaidan chuckled. "So, you can make it that far without your clothes falling off. I always wondered." Kaidan disappeared for a moment, and returned with the bottle of slick lubricant. "What would you have done back in the days of sexually transmitted diseases? They'd probably have a clinic devoted just to you. 'Oh, doctor, I slept with Shepard!' 'Here, take these twenty-five pills before your dick falls off.'"  
"Very funny," said Jarrett, but he didn't sound particularly amused.  
"I thought so," grinned Kaidan, and rubbed a slick finger over the ring of muscle surrounding the opening to Jarrett's body. Jarrett gasped in surprise, then moaned softly. "Personally, I'm very glad that we're past the days of having to use condoms all the time. Or gloves. I mean, can you imagine trying to do this with rubber gloves on?" As he spoke, he worked one finger into Jarrett, and added more lube. "And don't even get me started on the plastic sheets to protect your mouth." He bent down, and inserted his tongue next to his finger, drawing a wild moan from Jarrett. He worked another finger inside, and moved his tongue away, kissing his way down the back of Jarrett's leg.  
Jarrett started as he heard a quiet 'click,' then another, and realized that his legs were now chained to the legs of the couch, that he was spread wide open for Kaidan. "Should I ask what you're doing, Kaidan?"  
"You can ask, but I probably won't answer you. Here's a hint, though: it involves your ass." Kaidan continued working two fingers in and out, opening Jarrett.  
Jarrett laughed softly.  
Kaidan pulled his hand away, and carefully inserted the tip of his cock into Jarrett's body, leaning against the couch, letting gravity help him overcome the natural resistance. Jarrett moaned softly, and wriggled a little to try and help him. Kaidan smiled to himself, and drew back, working just the head in and out of Jarrett.  
Jarrett moaned again, but couldn't move enough to sink back onto Kaidan's cock. He bit his lip, and tried not to whimper, hoping he could hold out longer than Kaidan could. "Dammit, will you fuck me already!" he finally shouted.  
"Who are you talking to?" asked Kaidan, amused.  
"You! Kaidan!"  
"Me? What? Did you want something?"  
"Fuck me, dammit!" Jarrett tried to move, but Kaidan easily forced him back down.  
"Who are you talking to?" Kaidan repeated.  
Jarrett screamed in frustration, but refused to beg, and Kaidan pulled out with a wicked chuckle. "You bastard," Jarrett sobbed. He couldn't believe Kaidan had really stopped.  
"Fuck you, you say," Kaidan mused. "Well, if you don't want my cock, what can I fuck you with? Let's see here…."  
Jarrett tried to see what Kaidan was doing, and heard the door to the refreshment unit open. He realized that Kaidan had deliberately arranged him so that he couldn't see anything that was going on. Kaidan was humming a song as he walked back over to where Jarrett was tied up. He heard a bottle open, and could hear Kaidan drinking something.  
Kaidan walked around to the side of the couch that Jarrett could see. "Thirsty?" He held out a bottle of water.  
Jarrett took one look at the shape, and realized what Kaidan was planning. "I'd rather have your cock," he said swiftly, "I do want it, please, Kaidan, fuck me with your cock."  
"You're not scared, are you?" asked Kaidan in surprise. He gently brushed Jarrett's hair out of his face. "You don't think I'd really hurt you, do you?"  
"No," Jarrett grinned, "I'd just really rather have your cock in me. It's a really nice cock." He twisted slightly, and kissed Kaidan's hand. "And you're already hard, why waste it?"  
Kaidan carefully held the bottle of water to Jarrett's lips, and let him have a few sips. Then he set the bottle down on the table, where Jarrett could still see it, a subtle reminder for him. Kaidan put some more lube on his cock and on Jarrett, then lifted Jarrett's hips so he could get one hand underneath. Jarrett sighed with relief as Kaidan began stroking him. "You want to come, don't you, slut? You want a thick cock to slam into that beautiful ass of yours and make you come, don't you?" Jarrett moaned. "Answer me, slut. Don't fuck with me."  
"Yes," Jarrett moaned, "I want your cock, Kaidan."  
"You're just scared because you realized there are more bottles back here, aren't you?"  
"No, I want your cock, I want you to fuck me! I do, I really do, please, Kaidan, fuck me with that big cock of yours, let me suck it, fuck me, fuck me!" gasped Jarrett wildly as Kaidan's hand continued moving on him. He cried out as he came, and then shouted as Kaidan shoved his cock partway into Jarrett at almost the same time. Kaidan pulled his hand away from Jarrett's cock, then thrust again, sinking his entire length into Jarrett while his muscles were still relaxed by his climax. Jarrett tried not to scream again. "Shit!"  
"It wouldn't be any fun if you were expecting it," Kaidan laughed. He licked his hand clean. "You know, you taste really good." He pulled Jarrett's hips a little higher, and Jarrett moaned as Kaidan sank deeper into him. Kaidan rolled his hips, working himself against Jarrett's walls. "And you feel really good, too. You're tight. Could use a little something, though," Kaidan pretended to think. "Oh, yeah," Kaidan smacked Jarrett, right on the softest part of his curve, hard enough to leave a mark and draw a shocked scream from him. "Some screaming." Kaidan did it again, on the other side this time, and Jarrett wriggled helplessly, trying to get away. "Oh, calm down, no one's gonna see it." He pulled Jarrett back to him, and began alternating long, drawn-out thrusts with strong, solid smacks.  
Jarrett held out for as long as he could, but Kaidan passed the point where most men would have come already, and showed no signs of stopping. He screamed in agonized ecstasy, started begging for release. "Kaidan! Oh, please, fuck me, please, Kaidan, come in my ass, please!"  
"What's the matter, slut? Your ass is on fire? Need me to fill you up and put it out?" Kaidan smirked.  
"Yes, please, fill me up with your come," Jarrett pleaded.  
Kaidan pulled Jarrett closer as he came, savoring Jarrett's cry of pain. He pulled out, and sat down on the couch, lifted Jarrett's head to his lap. "Clean me off," he commanded. "And then keep going, slut, until I'm hard again."  
"Wouldn't this be easier if you untied me?" smiled Jarrett eagerly.  
"You're not full yet," said Kaidan simply, and moved his cock between Jarrett's shocked lips. He ran his hands through Jarrett's hair while he watched as Jarrett's tongue slowly coaxed him back to full hardness. "You really like the cock, don't you? Why do you even bother with women?" He pulled Jarrett away and went back to the arm of the couch, and slammed his cock back inside Jarrett, back inside the soft, wet channel. Jarrett shrieked at the rough entry, then moaned as Kaidan began skillfully working him. "Seriously. You have no business fucking women, slut. Leave that for other men. You, you should be lying around all day, warm and wet and ready for a cock to fill you up." Jarrett whimpered in agreement. "Do you have a butt plug anywhere?"  
Jarrett moaned helplessly. "Bottom drawer, by the bed. In the box." He whimpered, unable to stop himself as he felt the beginnings of an interior orgasm from Kaidan's girth and motions, from the feel of Kaidan's slacks on his reddened skin.  
"Oh, that is beautiful," murmured Kaidan, as Jarrett began to buck wildly, screaming in ecstasy, completely out of control from the sensations. Jarrett's muscles clamped down on Kaidan's cock, with the involuntary strength that only comes from an anal orgasm, and he started spurting another load of come into Jarrett. Kaidan gasped, and slowly withdrew. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, then went to the bedroom to retrieve the plug. He held the obnoxiously sparkly purple toy in front of Jarrett's lips. "Get that wet." Jarrett obediently licked the plug all over, and Kaidan carefully inserted it, letting Jarrett's muscles seize hold of it to keep it in position. He knelt down, and undid the restraints holding Jarrett's legs in place. "Up," he commanded. "I don't want that plug coming out until I take it out."  
Jarrett stood up carefully, not sure if his legs were working right. He glanced up at Kaidan, who was watching him with a dark and wild hunger in his eyes.  
"Come here, slut," Kaidan commanded, gesturing at his cock. "You know what I want."  
Jarrett fell to his knees, and eagerly took Kaidan in his mouth again. He could feel Kaidan's come inside him, trapped there by the plug. It was vaguely unsettling and exciting at the same time. He'd already come two times, how much would it take for him to be satisfied? How many times could he make Kaidan come?  
"You do this better than anyone I've ever met," gasped Kaidan. "This one's going down your throat, slut. Don't disappoint me."  
Jarrett redoubled his efforts, eager to make Kaidan come so that he could taste him. He angled his head so that Kaidan's thrusts would go all the way to the back of his throat. With a savage growl, Kaidan took hold of Jarrett's hair and began thrusting deeply into his mouth. He could feel the change in the pulse, the significant tightening, and began to swallow as fast as he could, just barely keeping up with the loads that Kaidan's cock was firing into his throat.  
Kaidan sighed in animal pleasure as Jarrett sucked him dry and licked him clean. He pulled Jarrett up to him for a kiss, a wild and hungry kiss, tasting himself, and a slight touch of blood where Jarrett had bitten his lip. He licked Jarrett's lips, "Silly slut. Just scream next time, don't hurt yourself."  
Jarrett blushed.  
Kaidan sat down on the couch, and pulled Jarrett into his lap, deliberately drawing Jarrett's glowing skin over his slacks.  
Jarrett winced. The feel of Kaidan's slacks on his skin was a sharp reminder of his vulnerability. Kaidan rearranged him so that his head was resting on Kaidan's shoulder, his legs resting on the couch, his body resting against Kaidan's chest, his cock easily accessible to Kaidan's hands, and the plug resting against Kaidan's thigh.  
"Are you all right?" asked Kaidan gently.  
"My hands hurt a little," Jarrett confessed.  
Kaidan undid the knot, and brought Jarrett's hands forward, holding them tightly while he carefully checked Jarrett's wrists for any damage. With his tongue. Jarrett tried not to whimper, but he couldn't move, not with Kaidan holding his hands like this. Every movement of his body rocked the butt plug against Kaidan's thigh, and Jarrett shifted his legs, trying to find some way to sit that wouldn't cause such sweet suffering.  
"Sit still," Kaidan commanded. "I want you warm and wet for the next time I fuck you."  
Jarrett tried to hold still, but the feel of Kaidan's tongue on the tender skin of his wrists was utterly maddening.  
"I did warn you," said Kaidan sharply, and stood up with Jarrett in his arms. He held Jarrett firmly as he walked over to the ottoman and sat down there, draping Jarrett over his lap, holding him in in place with one arm.  
"I'd like to say I didn't see that coming," joked Jarrett, and was rewarded with a sharp slap on his already reddened cheeks. The blow made the plug shift uncomfortably.  
"I could tie that in place if your little slut ass is having trouble with it," offered Kaidan.  
Jarrett blushed, and knew that Kaidan could see it. "I'm fine." Another slap from Kaidan's hand, hot, heavy, brutal. "Sorry, Kaidan. I'm fine, Kaidan, I can hold it."  
"Fine," said Kaidan calmly. "I'll take your word for it. After all," Kaidan smacked him again, watching for the marks that his hands left on Jarrett's rear and thighs, "you wouldn't lie to me, would you?" Another blow, a soft whimper from Jarrett. "There are lots of stupid things you do, but you wouldn't lie to me, would you?"  
"No, Kaidan," Jarrett gasped as blow after blow fell from Kaidan's powerful hand on his helpless body.  
"Why do you act like such a slut, anyway?" Kaidan paused, and moved his hand over the butt plug, making Jarrett writhe. "Why don't you settle down and get married, start a proper family? Just pick one of your fucking harem and trade rings."  
"Fuck you!" Jarrett screamed.  
"What?" said Kaidan, his voice very soft and unmistakably angry.  
"I want sex, not a fucking psychiatrist," said Jarrett bitterly. "If I wanted a fix, I'd go back to shooting up. I want a fuck."  
Kaidan stood, tumbling Jarrett from his lap. Jarrett landed clumsily, and moved to stand up, but Kaidan slapped him across the face. Jarrett dropped to the floor, stunned. Kaidan grabbed him by the hair, and dragged him closer to the couch. Jarrett tried to move away, but Kaidan pinned him to the floor, kneeling on his back, and pulled Jarrett's arms up and cuffed them to the foot of the couch.  
Kaidan used his tie to bind Jarrett's feet together, dragging the other chair over to be another point of restraint. He looked carefully down at Jarrett, spread out for his attention. Jarrett jerked and twisted, testing the strength of his bonds, but they were surprisingly effective. Kaidan stood at Jarrett's side, and pulled off his belt. "When did this become about what you want, slut?"  
Getting slapped on the ass with someone's hand is very different from worked over with a thick, heavy leather belt. There isn't the same tinge of eroticism; the physical connection between the giver's hand and the receiver's flesh. Getting hit with a belt is a beating – a strangely cathartic experience, the pain-filled kisses of leather and skin. Time slows, and your existence is sharply reduced to the anticipation of the next blow, and endless prayers that the next blow won't land where the last one did.  
Jarrett's screams ripped through the room. He twisted, writhed, tried to slide away from the merciless punishment. The blows fell on his back, his rear, his upper thighs as he moved, and the butt plug seemed to weigh a ton as his tortured muscles gripped it over and over in response to the inescapable blows. There was a pause, and Jarrett realized he was wailing uncontrollably, hot, tortured sobs of misery, pleading for forgiveness over and over. He waited and heard the soft click of the cuffs unlocking, and he began crying tears of gratitude at the respite.  
Kaidan picked Jarrett up and carried him to the bedroom, careful not to touch any of the welts covering his back and thighs. He laid down on the bed, still holding Jarrett in his arms, listening to the wild, barely coherent sobbing.  
Slowly, Jarrett returned to himself, and his sobs turned to soft whimpers as he clutched helplessly at Kaidan's shirt, trying to hide his face and stop the flow of tears.  
"Who am I?" asked Kaidan softly, staring at the ceiling and carefully not looking at Jarrett. "Say my name."  
Jarrett stirred, and looked curiously at him. "Kaidan."  
"Good." Kaidan continued staring at the ceiling, gently holding Jarrett. "You called me someone else's name. I think you forgot where you were."  
Jarrett stared at him in shock. "I'm sorry!" He buried his face in Kaidan's chest again, wildly ashamed that he could have ever mixed Kaidan with the memory. "You're not going to stop, are you?"  
Kaidan frowned.  
"Please don't stop, Kaidan, not now!" Jarrett reached up and kissed him. "Please," he begged. "You haven't finished, have you?" He reached down to take Kaidan's cock in his hand. "I excite you, don't I?" He ran his hand up and down the shaft, drawing him back to full hardness.  
Kaidan kissed him hungrily. "Look at me," he commanded, and held Jarrett's eyes with his. "You will stay here, with me, from now on, understand? You will not try to hide from anything I am doing to you in your memories. You are here with me now, and you are mine. Understand?"  
"Yes, Kaidan," Jarrett nodded.  
"Now get my cock wet, slut," Kaidan grinned, "so I can fuck you again."  
With an eager smile, Jarrett moved down and began running his tongue all over Kaidan's thickness.  
Kaidan ran his hands over Jarrett's thighs, tracing out the pattern formed by the bruises and welts there. His touch made Jarrett quiver and suck harder. He moved the butt plug, making Jarrett squirm. "Off," he said quickly, and pulled away from Jarrett's tantalizing mouth. "Stay there, on your hands and knees." Kaidan knelt on the bed behind Jarrett, and deliberately rotated the plug before slowly pulling it out. There was a sloppy wet noise as the plug came out of Jarrett, and Kaidan quickly slid in his cock before any of his seed spilled out. He gripped Jarrett's hips, pulled Jarrett's body closer, sinking all the way inside, pushing past the tight rings of muscle before they could recover from the shock of having the butt plug removed. He groaned at the sensual feel of sliding into that hot, moist channel, knowing that it was his come all over the inner walls of Jarrett's body. "That is wonderful, slut. You're so hot and wet."  
Jarrett cried out at the feel of Kaidan's clothing on his tortured skin. "Please, the zipper, Kaidan, please," he begged.  
"Is it distracting you from the feel of my cock pounding into you, slut? We wouldn't want that, now would we," laughed Kaidan, and pushed his pants down far enough so that the metal teeth wouldn't touch Jarrett's wildly sensitive skin for the moment. "Well? Is that better?"  
"Yes, Kaidan," Jarrett gasped. "Thank you, Kaidan, oh, fuck, that feels so weird," he moaned as Kaidan's cock churned the liquid inside him. He could feel the internal pressure building again, his muscles starting to bunch and gather of their own accord as Kaidan's cock slid over the slight nub inside him.  
"Put your head down on your arms."  
Jarrett gratefully assumed the new position, letting Kaidan sink deeper and deeper into him. "I'm going to come," Jarrett tried to say, but the words came out as a whimper, helpless and uncontrolled. "Oh, Kaidan, please," he begged, not even sure what he was asking for. What he got was redoubled pounding, faster and harder, long strokes that made him scream helplessly as another orgasm ripped through him, Kaidan's hands rough and controlling on his hips, keeping him from thrashing so wildly that he fell off Kaidan's cock. "Oh, I can't take any more, I can't hold it," Jarrett sobbed as Kaidan's come spewed into him.  
Kaidan pulled away finally, and watched in fascination as his come seeped out of Jarrett. He let Jarrett sink bonelessly to the bed, and rolled him over. Jarrett's chest was covered with his own come. He gently stroked his hand over Jarrett's cock, and Jarrett shied away from the contact with a pathetic whimper. Kaidan chuckled, and lay down for a moment, then went to the bathroom to clean himself off while Jarrett lay in a post coital daze.  
Kaidan walked back into the bedroom, and looked at Jarrett again. He had rolled onto his side, his head on a pillow, tracking Kaidan with his eyes the way a caged animal watches the keeper who comes bearing food. Kaidan had pulled off his shirt and zipped up his pants, and he was carrying the bottle of lube and the restraints. Kaidan frowned at the bed, and checked Jarrett's toybox again, coming up with a different style of cuffs. Jarrett watched silently, obediently raising his arms so that Kaidan could secure him to the bed.  
"Let's get you cleaned up a bit." Kaidan lowered his mouth to Jarrett's chest, and began licking away the traces of his orgasm. He crawled onto the bed, between Jarrett's legs, holding him down by the hips as he squirmed around. Jarrett moaned as his back was forced down against the scratchy bedcovers, but Kaidan didn't let him go. Kaidan licked away every drop of Jarrett's come, then began licking his nipples. Jarrett closed his eyes and gasped in pleasure at the sensation, arching into Kaidan's mouth, enjoying the touch of Kaidan's bare body against his.  
"Oh, you like that, don't you, slut," murmured Kaidan, and nipped at the taut nipple.  
"Yes, Kaidan, yes," Jarrett gasped.  
Kaidan used his tongue and teeth on both nipples, getting them hard and stiff, then he moved down between Jarrett's legs. He ignored the slowly stiffening cock as if it didn't exist, and instead pushed Jarrett's legs back, exposing his swollen center. He dragged his tongue over it, making Jarrett quiver, then poured more lube on his fingers. He worked a finger into Jarrett, making him whimper.  
"Am I hurting you?"  
"No, Kaidan, it's just a little sore, that's all."  
"You shave," Kaidan commented. "I meant to bring it up before," he worked another finger into Jarrett, making him move wildly. "That's amazingly sexy. It's really nice."  
"I'm glad you like it," Jarrett breathed softly.  
Kaidan held his hand still for a moment, the two fingers moving back and forth inside Jarrett while he reached up and pulled a pillow closer. He slipped it under Jarrett's hips, so that his hand could work more easily.  
"What are you doing, Kaidan?"  
Kaidan poured some more lube on his fingers before answering. "What do you think I'm doing, slut?" He worked another finger into Jarrett, and for the first time that evening, felt resistance. "Are you fighting me?" He looked curiously at Jarrett. Jarrett had turned his head away, flushed and his hair half-covering his face. "Answer me."  
"I don't know."  
Kaidan slowly moved his fingers in and out, around the sides. "Am I hurting you?"  
"No, Kaidan."  
"Are you enjoying this?" Kaidan's fingers circled slowly inside Jarrett, and he moaned.  
"Yes, but…."  
"But what?"  
"I don't want to," whimpered Jarrett.  
Kaidan laughed gently, and slowly inserted another finger into Jarrett, waiting patiently for Jarrett to relax enough for him to move his hand.  
"Kaidan, please," Jarrett whimpered, panting.  
"Please what?" asked Kaidan with a smile, as he poured more of the slick lubricant on his hand. "You're not really going to tell me you've never done this before, are you?" He moved his fingers, rotating and thrusting gently.  
Jarrett cried out. "Please, Kaidan, please!"  
"Seriously?" Kaidan held his hand still for a moment, letting Jarrett breathe. "Do you really want me to stop?"  
Jarrett whispered something that Kaidan could barely hear.  
"Speak up, slut. You scream loud enough when there's a cock in your ass. I know you have a voice, use it."  
"I want to please you, but…."  
"Your problem, slut, is that you keep thinking for yourself. Stop it. You're right, you're here to please me. You're mine, remember?" Kaidan moved his hand slightly, making Jarrett whimper, but it wasn't a noise of pain. "Stop holding back. If you really want me to stop, tell me. Otherwise," he moved his hand so that he could start working his entire hand into Jarrett, "stop whining at me and start telling me how much you're enjoying this."  
"Oh, shit, come on, it's too big, you can't," Jarrett panted.  
Kaidan laughed again, and watched his hand slowly enter Jarrett. "Seems to be going in just fine, as far as I can tell. I can't believe those crocodile tears ever convinced someone to stop." Kaidan shook his head in mock disgust as Jarrett whimpered uncontrollably, until he was finally screaming and Kaidan's hand was entirely inside him. Kaidan listened carefully to Jarrett's breathing. "Calm down, you're going to black out." He held his hand completely still, and firmly held Jarrett's hips in place so he wouldn't hurt himself, while he listened to Jarrett's wild screams.  
Jarrett kept screaming, insisting that it was too big, tried to twist away from Kaidan's grip, and inadvertently moved his body so that Kaidan's knuckles slid over the fiery little spot inside his body. Jarrett shrieked, a wild noise that ended abruptly as he passed out.  
Kaidan sighed. "Uptight little slut." He closed his eyes, and carefully removed his hand from Jarrett, knowing full well that if he watched he would be tempted to go in the other direction. Kaidan walked to the bathroom, and washed off his hands. He walked back to the bed, and watched Jarrett sleep for a few minutes. Kaidan removed the cuffs, and checked Jarrett's wrists for any damage. He brushed Jarrett's hair out of his face, and settled him more comfortably with a pillow under his head.  
Kaidan walked over to the bathroom, and started the shower. He pulled off his clothes, and folded them neatly on the floor. He set out some towels for later, then walked back to the bed. Jarrett was slowly waking up. Kaidan pulled off the leather gloves and carried him to the shower. He put Jarrett's arms around his neck, and let the smaller man lean against him, then began gently soaping Jarrett all over, checking for any excessive damage as he washed Jarrett clean.  
Jarrett stood silently, only moving when he had to, letting Kaidan bathe him. He wondered at Kaidan's gentleness, as Kaidan even washed and conditioned his hair for him.  
Kaidan stood again, and pulled Jarrett to him. "Lean on me," he commanded, and pulled down the showerhead. "Spread your legs." He checked that the water wasn't too hot, and changed the spray to a gentler pulse. "Tell me if this hurts you." He held the showerhead between Jarrett's legs, letting the water enter him.  
Jarrett put his arms around Kaidan, and rested his head on the broad chest, whimpering only slightly as the warm water rinsed him clean.  
Kaidan chuckled. "You know, that whimpering thing you do goes right to my head." He kissed Jarrett gently. "Are you okay?"  
Jarrett nodded. "Yes, Kaidan, I'm fine. Just very tired."  
"I noticed," Kaidan smiled. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. "Stay there." He wrapped a towel around his hips, then carefully wrapped Jarrett's hair in one towel and his body in another before lifting him in his arms again. He carried Jarrett back to the bed, and pulled away the bedcovers. He set Jarrett down in the center of the bed. "Do you want me to stay with you?"  
Jarrett looked up at Kaidan, his wide blue eyes hopeful. "Please," he said simply.  
Kaidan got into the bed, and pulled Jarrett into his arms. He waited for Jarrett to fall asleep so he could get up and leave, but even after Jarrett had rolled away and curled up in the center of the bed, he didn't get up. He watched Jarrett a little while longer, then gave in and pulled the towel away. His eyes roamed over Jarrett's body, decorated with the scarlet and violet marks of passionate ownership. He pulled Jarrett back to him, and Jarrett fell sprawled on his back, spread out and ready for possession. The sight made his cock ache to be inside Jarrett again.  
Kaidan leaned over him, kissed his lips very gently, hoping that Jarrett wasn't too tired and sore. Jarrett woke instantly, and put his arms around Kaidan, holding him close. Kaidan smiled in pleasure, and kissed him again. He gently touched Jarrett between his legs, checking to see how swollen and tender he was.  
"Please, Kaidan," Jarrett whimpered, shoving himself down on Kaidan's probing finger. "I want you so bad, please."  
Kaidan kissed him fiercely. "You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?" He withdrew his finger, and poured a generous amount of lube on his cock. "But you did ask for it," he murmured, and kissed Jarrett again, forcing him down to the sheets. Jarrett moved his legs out of the way, and Kaidan entered him, slowly working Jarrett on his cock until he had buried his entire length deep inside Jarrett's welcoming heat. He kissed Jarrett again, hungrily plundering his sweet mouth, drinking in Jarrett's soft cries as Kaidan slid in and out. He wrapped his arms around Jarrett, holding him close as he continued to kiss him and pump his cock into Jarrett. He was so lost in the sensation he didn't immediately notice when Jarrett pulled his arms away. "What's wrong?"  
"Just finish," said Jarrett bitterly. "I don't even want to know who you're fantasizing about, just fucking finish and get off me." He turned his head away from Kaidan, and his wide blue eyes glittered with unshed tears.  
"Jarrett Shepard, you are the most infuriating man I have ever met," sighed Kaidan. "Look at me." He stopped moving, but didn't pull out.  
"What?" snapped Jarrett. He turned to look at Kaidan.  
"Who am I?"  
"Kaidan," Jarrett trembled slightly.  
"What am I doing?"  
"I don't know," Jarrett sniffled. A tear escaped, and fell to the pillow. "I don't know."  
"I'll tell you," said Kaidan, his warm voice gentle. "I am making love to the most beautiful, dangerous, insecure, infuriating man in the galaxy, and enjoying the hell out of myself. Well, I would be, if he would let me."  
Jarrett tried to hold back more tears. "But you hate me."  
Kaidan stared at him, then burst out laughing. "What? I do not – Jarrett, does this feel like I hate you?" Kaidan rolled his hips.  
Jarrett moaned in pleasure. "You're making me feel good, but you're just going to leave!" he wailed suddenly. "Why are you trying to make me care? You're never going to touch me again!"  
"You're the one who said it was only for tonight, Jarrett. Do you want more?" asked Kaidan, his heart in his throat as he waited eagerly for the answer.  
"Yes, Kaidan, please, I want to be yours." Jarrett's tears were falling fast now, but he put his arms around Kaidan again and started moving on Kaidan's cock. "Please, I know I'm a slut, but I'll be your slut, Kaidan, I'll do anything you want!"  
Kaidan couldn't hold back an overjoyed smile at his words. He started pounding into Jarrett again, eager and hungry. "Yes, Jarrett, you're mine," he whispered, kissing away Jarrett's tears, "mine, no one else gets to touch you, no other cock gets to fill you up, mine!" The wild possessiveness in Kaidan's voice made Jarrett go wild on Kaidan's cock, and Kaidan found himself being gripped tighter and slamming deeper into Jarrett than he had thought possible. Jarrett screamed his submission to Kaidan as he came, and Kaidan felt his own orgasm triggered by the words.  
"Yes, Kaidan, I'm yours! I belong to you!"


	5. UNCONFIRMED

Jarrett woke up, wondering if he was really awake, or having an incredibly detailed wet dream. Then he felt Kaidan's fingers on his nipple, twisting it almost painfully, and he knew he was awake, and there really was a thick cock sliding in and out of him. He was lying on his side, his arms pinned by Kaidan's arm, his back held tightly against Kaidan's chest, one leg lifted high so that Kaidan could thrust into him.  
"I hope you enjoy waking up this way," Kaidan laughed, without pausing in his wild possession of Jarrett's body.  
"I love it," Jarrett gasped. "You're not going to let me jerk off, are you?"  
"You come because of my cock in your ass or you don't come at all, slut," hissed Kaidan, and thrust even harder.  
Jarrett moaned, rubbing his body against Kaidan. "Is it okay if I come because of you talking?"  
Kaidan laughed. "Can you really come just from listening to me?" He kissed Jarrett's shoulder. "What do you want to hear? Do you want to hear me talk about how fucking beautiful you look with the mark of my hands all over you? I'd try and recite the duty roster, but every time I see you all I can think about is shoving my cock back into you and listening to you scream. Listening to you whimper." Jarrett was doing just that, short little screams, then trying to hold them back and just whimpering until he broke into a scream again. "Oh, you're so fucking beautiful, you're doing that on purpose, aren't you," groaned Kaidan, and snapped his hips, slamming into Jarrett as he came. "I never should have told you that," he laughed, and kissed Jarrett's shoulder again. He looked down, and saw that Jarrett had managed to come. He laughed, and reached down to stroke Jarrett's softening cock, rubbing his hand in Jarrett's come as Jarrett stretched happily, resting his head on Kaidan's arm.  
Jarrett kissed Kaidan's hand. "Do you always wake people up that way?"  
"Only the ones I want to fuck senseless because they're infuriating and beautiful," Kaidan laughed. "But no, most people put up too much of a fuss."  
"Really?" asked Jarrett wonderingly. "I usually find most people can't get it up again so quickly. You don't seem to have that problem," smiled Jarrett.  
"No, no, I don't. Biotic sex drive, and all that." He kissed Jarrett on the lips. "Get up, go get dressed. I can't do anything sensible with you lying around naked like that."  
"Oh?" Jarrett grinned. "What if I lie around naked like this?" Jarrett rolled over, but Kaidan tossed a towel on him before he could finish his suggestive wriggling.  
"Will you go and get dressed?" Kaidan groaned. "Cockteasing slut."  
Jarrett laughed, then gave Kaidan's cock a quick kiss before he jumped out of bed and went to the shower.  
Kaidan walked into the bathroom, and listened to Jarrett in the shower while he brushed his teeth and did the other early morning things that men do, until he tried to find a razor. "You don't use a razor?"  
"Takes too long," Jarrett answered from behind the curtain. "Do you need one? I can call room service, they'll bring one."  
"I'll call, thank you," Kaidan walked out to place the order on the service console. "Did you want breakfast?"  
"Yes, please!" Jarrett stepped out of the shower. "It's too bad everyone saw us last night, otherwise we could go out somewhere."  
Kaidan considered. "We can go down to the hotel bar or something."  
"Yeah, but I can't dress up," Jarrett pouted. "You seemed so interested when I did it last time." He pulled on a civilian outfit while he talked, making the boring black come to life as the outfit clung to the outlines of his muscles and curves.  
"Yeah, I need to add that to the list of things we have to talk about." Kaidan shook his head, trying to erase the fascinating image of Jarrett dressed as a woman.  
"We have a list?" Jarrett took two cans of energy drink from the bar, and brought one to Kaidan. "What's on it so far?"  
"Who's Isaac?"  
Jarrett froze, then forced himself to take a sip of his drink before sitting down on the couch, facing Kaidan. "Oh, that's right, I was screaming last night, wasn't I?"  
"Yes," said Kaidan, trying not to sound angry. "Who is Isaac, and why were you mixing us up?"  
"You share the same passions," smiled Jarrett. He took another sip from his drink. "He was my husband."  
Kaidan stared at him in shock. "What? You're married?"  
"I was, he's dead." Jarrett stared at his drink, then finished it in one gulp. "Technically, I'm a widow."  
"There's no mention of that in your record," said Kaidan slowly.  
"Of course not," Jarrett grinned. "I wasn't being Shepard at the time."  
Kaidan finally took a sip of his drink, and sat down on the armchair across from Jarrett. "I think I need a little more detail than that."  
Jarrett shrugged. "I met a guy. We fell in love, got married, had a kid." He looked down at this empty can. "And then it all went to hell."  
"That's not actually detail," said Kaidan dryly. "That's an outline."  
Jarrett sighed. "When I was a kid in the Reds, there was this dealer we worked with. He had a son, who I had a total boycrush on. It's not like we ever talked or anything. I don't think Isaac even knew I was alive when we were both on Earth. I was just crazy for him. I would sneak away so I could just watch him do stuff," Jarrett laughed. "Stupid. Anyway," he tossed the empty can into the trash, and got up to play with the service console. "Anyway, one day, I overheard something that was supposed to be a big secret. The Reds were cutting a deal with a new guy, and the price was going to be wiping out Rebekov and his entire family. Isaac's father. Stupid little crazy me, I managed to get them a warning in time, and Rebekov got away clean, and took his family and most of his stock with him. The Reds weren't too happy, but it worked out for them in the end, so they never dug too deep into finding out how Rebekov had found out. And I got to have my happy little dippy secret, knowing that I saved Isaac's life. So romantic!" Jarrett clasped his hands over his heart and batted his lashes, mocking himself.  
Kaidan didn't answer, but he could remember having his own crushes, and the feeling of saving a special someone.  
"So, like, other stuff happened," Jarrett went on, "I got arrested, I joined the Alliance. I got – sick," said Jarrett quickly. "They put me on medical leave, and I decided to just go somewhere, and not be Shepard for a while. I ended up on Bekenstein." Jarrett sat down again, crossing his legs beneath him, nervously touching the marks on his wrists. "My first night there, I gatecrashed a huge socialite party. I totally wasn't dressed for it, though, so I didn't want to dance or attract too much attention. I was just window shopping, you know? I was dodging some drunk lady, I turned around, and he was there. Isaac. I knew who he was right away. I just stared, I knew I was being a total idiot but I just – I couldn't say anything. Then it hit me," Jarrett smiled at the memory, "he was doing the same thing. Just staring at me like there was no one else in the room." Jarrett looked down at his hands. "He took me home. And I stayed there." Jarrett glanced up at Kaidan, to see if he was following the story. Kaidan's gaze was steady, but unreadable. "His parents really wanted him to get married and have kids, and I offered to leave, or do whatever he wanted." Without realizing what he was doing, Jarrett touched his hand where the ring had been, but kept speaking. "He laughed, and commanded me to marry him. I said yes, of course, I always said yes to him," said Jarrett softly. "We went to a clinic and placed an order for a baby from our combined genetic material. It turned out to be a girl, the most beautiful little baby you've ever seen. I loved holding her, and trying to find his features in her little baby face. He had it easier, she has my eyes. So everything was perfect, right? Too perfect, of course." A tear fell from his beautiful eyes. "Two years, that's how long it took his father to find out I wasn't who I said I was. He found out that I was Bluebird, from Earth, one of the Reds, the gang that almost killed his family."  
"Two years?" said Kaidan slowly, realizing that the math made sense now. "Your medical leave was up."  
Jarrett nodded. "So here I was, trying to figure out how to tell Isaac that I had to leave, who I was, and his father burst into the house. It was just me and the baby. Rebekov remembered seeing me, as soon as he heard where I was from. The scrawny little kid hiding in the back, or sneaking around outside his house during meetings. He remembered me because of the eyes. He ripped the ring off my finger, and said he was going to kill her. Because of the eyes." Jarrett was shaking now, but forced himself to continue after he met Kaidan's eyes. "He wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't – I couldn't let him kill the baby."  
"Of course not," said Kaidan gently, remembering an incident from his youth. "You protected her."  
Jarrett stared down at his hands. "Yes, I did. I killed him, and all the guards he brought with him. And Isaac came home in the middle of it, and Rebekov's guards thought he had turned against his father, and they killed him. So I killed them all." There was a soft finality in his words, and Kaidan realized that he meant that he had really killed them all. "I took all the money he had lying around, I took everything from the house that would have let anyone track me down. Then I grabbed the baby and ran. At first, I didn't know what to do with her. I couldn't go back to the Alliance with a baby," said Jarrett desperately. "I didn't want to have to explain anything, I didn't know what to say. Then I remembered someone, one of Isaac's friends, talking about a school, on one of the stations, sort of a dumping ground for offspring that came out the wrong color. It was a way to save face without any unpleasantness. They didn't ask questions, they just checked that you had enough money for a proper trust fund. So I went there," said Jarrett softly, his voice tight and pained. "They were just like everyone said, they didn't care that they were being handed babies and large wads of cash by weeping women. They just took the baby and the money, and gave me a contact number. That was all I had to do, and I was free to return to my real life."  
"Thank you for telling me." Jarrett looked up at Kaidan in surprise, and more than a little confused. Kaidan reached out, and took Jarrett's hands in his. "Thank you for honoring me with your trust." His voice was warm and understanding, his hands gentle and supportive. "I understand what you did, and why. I killed someone once, protecting someone I cared about. If it had been my child – I don't know where I would have stopped."  
Jarrett looked down, trying not to show how touched he was by Kaidan's words.  
Kaidan blinked in surprise, as something suddenly clicked. "Wait - you spent the whole time dressed as a woman?"  
"Yeah, that was the whole point," Jarrett shrugged. "Isaac loved it, and it's not that hard."  
"No one noticed?"  
Jarrett shook his head. "Well, except for my husband," he grinned. "I'm still not clear on whether or not his parents ever knew. I have no idea what he told them when he announced we were using a clinic. How did you notice?" Jarrett asked curiously. "Usually I don't have any trouble passing."  
"I recognized your hands. If it hadn't been for your nail polish, I would never have noticed." Kaidan looked at him curiously. "Why?"  
Jarrett laughed lightly. "Why not? It's fun to be someone else for a little while. Instead of having people move away from me in terror, they hold open doors for me." He looked at Kaidan, questioning. "Does it bother you?"  
"No, it's not that," Kaidan tried to think of the right way to answer, "I'm just… you don't seem to have any issues with being a man."  
"I don't have any with dressing as a woman, either," smiled Jarrett. "Is it really that hard to take in? I also like getting whacked around during sex, but you have no problem getting your head around that."  
"No," said Kaidan slowly, "it's just… unusual. I haven't had any experience with that sort of thing."  
Jarrett smiled. "When you saw me attack Jenkins, you wanted to punish me, remember? You were so mad that I got away with it, and all the other shit I pull on the Normandy. But when you saw that guy hit on me after I stepped out of the elevator? You came up immediately and protected me."  
Kaidan smiled wryly, but didn't comment or try to explain his actions.  
"Even though you knew I was perfectly capable of defending myself, and that there were security guards around who would have prevented anything from going too far." Jarrett tried not to laugh at the slowly dawning understanding in Kaidan's eyes. "I love getting that reaction. I can't do it all the time, so when I can, when I can make myself vulnerable, and get an alpha male to come out of hiding, I love it. It's better than getting high."  
"Okay, emotional manipulation, that I can understand," Kaidan smiled. "I'll probably ask you more about that later. But – your daughter – "  
"What about her?" Jarrett looked down again, at Kaidan's hands gently holding his.  
"Does she know?"  
Jarrett shook his head. "No, why would she? She was a baby, as far as she remembers, she had a mother and a father. Just like any normal kid would."  
"Right." Kaidan looked at Jarrett, trying to find the right words, but they wouldn't come.  
"I think you need breakfast," Jarrett pointed out. "Can we leave the rest of the interrogation for later?"  
"Yeah," said Kaidan gratefully. "I could use some food."  
Jarrett pulled him to his feet. "You need clothes if we're going anywhere. What room –"  
Kaidan interrupted Jarrett's question by sweeping him into his arms and kissing him, tasting the trust and passion on his lips. He kissed Jarrett, possessive and demanding, until Jarrett was breathless, then set him down on the couch. "I'll go and get dressed."  
"And you accused me of emotional manipulation!" Jarrett protested as Kaidan walked into the bathroom.  
Kaidan chuckled, and closed the door so he could get dressed.  
Jarrett followed Kaidan to his room, and sat down on the couch, watching Kaidan as he moved around the room. Kaidan got dressed in clean clothes, ordered breakfast to the room, checked his messages.  
"Oh, right, messages," Jarrett checked his own messages. There weren't any important messages, and the Administrator still wasn't letting them leave the Port. "I hate politics," snapped Jarrett. The food arrived, distracting him from his irritation.  
Kaidan leaned back in his chair after finishing his food, looking curiously at Jarrett.  
"What?" Jarrett grinned.  
"Come here."  
Jarrett walked over, and Kaidan pulled him into his lap, playing with his hair, stroking Jarrett's face.  
"What are you doing?" asked Jarrett, amused.  
"Trying to figure out how." Kaidan ran his hands over Jarrett's neck. "You really are built for it, but it still seems impossible that you and the woman I saw are the same person, or that you kept it up for two years."  
"You're just totally fascinated, aren't you?" Jarrett curled up in Kaidan's lap, and let him keep petting and touching.  
"Well, it seems we're going to be stuck here for a while."  
"True," Jarrett agreed. He lay peacefully in Kaidan's arms, and watched Kaidan watch him, wondering what he was seeing in Kaidan's eyes.  
Kaidan considered carefully, feeling for the right words. "I want to see you - not be Shepard."  
"Oh, you're turning into a chaser." Jarrett stood up, laughing. "Watch out or you'll end up trying to marry me," he laughed. "Come on, let's go back to my room, then." He held out his hand to Kaidan, and noticed that Kaidan wasn't laughing. "Sorry, I was joking."  
"Would you?" Kaidan looked at Jarrett, searching his eyes.  
Jarrett smiled nervously. "I won't know until you ask me."  
Instead of answering, Kaidan stood up and pulled Jarrett into his arms, drawing him into a hard, possessive kiss. "I may not ask you," Kaidan pointed out softly.  
"Then you know my answer."  
Kaidan kissed him again, and picked up a black leather bag. "Let's go."  
"Ooh, are those your toys?"  
Kaidan grinned, and led Jarrett back to the elevator. "You'll find out." They got into the elevator, and Jarrett draped himself on Kaidan, his arms around Kaidan's neck.  
"You have to get me off first, by the way. Can't have a stiff, unsightly bulge ruining my silhouette. Or you could let me touch myself," Jarrett pointed out.  
"I'll do it," said Kaidan firmly.  
"You're so controlling," said Jarrett gleefully. "I'd be jerking off to you anyway, what's the big deal?"  
"What's mine is mine," smiled Kaidan. "And what's yours," he rubbed his hand between Jarrett's legs, "that's mine too."  
Jarrett buried his face in Kaidan's shoulder, gyrated his hips into Kaidan's hand until the elevator stopped. "I love the feel of your hands on me." He slid away, and they walked back to his room. The cleaning service had already come and gone. Jarrett laughed at the crisp, clean sheets and the fresh new towels. "That won't last long." Jarrett pulled away from Kaidan and ran into the bedroom. "One second," he called out.  
"What are you doing?" smiled Kaidan, and walked towards him.  
Jarrett poked his head out of the bedroom, his top gone, his hands crossed modestly over his chest. "Don't peek! A lady needs some privacy!" before retreating into the bedroom again.  
Kaidan stopped. "What – what the – "  
The best changes are subtle; little cues that point to different conclusions. A simple change in the way you hold your body. Changing the speed at which you speak. Adding a soft, melodious tone to your voice, with the inflections that come naturally to a speaker of Cantonese. Seven words. Seven words, and a familiar pose. Kaidan realized that this transformation was real.  
Jarrett poked his head out again. "Wha-at?" he said, gently mocking. He smiled wickedly at Kaidan, then disappeared again.  
Jarrett had taken off the black civilian clothing already, and was now wearing a t-shirt a few sizes too large for him, and high-heeled slippers. Again, the change was subtle – the image suggested rather than stated. A woman wearing a man's clothing. The heels changed the way the muscles in his legs looked, made his legs look longer, more curved somehow.  
Kaidan shook himself as he realized that he was staring.  
Jarrett walked out of the bedroom, holding a small makeup bag, and smiled at Kaidan as he walked past. Even that was subtly different. His steps were shorter, the rhythm changed. His eyes met Kaidan's, then he smiled and quickly looked away before it could become a challenge – or an invitation. He walked into the bathroom, and twisted his hair up into a clumsy chignon, curls spilling out here and there as he quickly pinned his hair up. He brushed away one particularly annoying curl, but left the rest and began to do his makeup.  
Kaidan watched in fascination. Jarrett didn't need to change very much. It wasn't that his face was exceptionally feminine to begin with – it simply wasn't very masculine. He didn't have Kaidan's strong jaw to worry about, he just had to accentuate his already rather heart shaped face, emphasize his wide eyes, use reddened lips to draw attention away from the slight Adam's apple. Subtle suggestions, and the whole package came together.  
Jarrett poured some sort of lotion on his hand, and hiked up his shirt just a bit in the back, and began covering his tattoo. And displaying the fact that he was wearing frilly pink underwear that barely covered anything at all.  
"What are you doing?" asked Kaidan finally.  
Jarrett made a little frown. "Only nasty Alliance girls have tattoos."  
"Right," said Kaidan, slightly amused. "I guess you're not that type of girl."  
"Of course not!" Jarrett sounded genuinely shocked. He turned to make sure the decoration was covered. "The only people who've seen me naked are my Daddy and my husband." He glanced quickly at Kaidan, but didn't say anything, and went back to touching up his makeup.  
"I'm not on that list."  
"You haven't seen me naked." Jarrett smiled at him, then checked his reflection in the mirror, pouting at the stray curl that kept escaping.  
"Yet."  
Jarrett smiled at his reflection, and decided he needed earrings to match his current mood. He pulled a small jewelry case from his bag, and opened it to pick out a pair.  
Kaidan reached out and slammed the case shut, making Jarrett jump in surprise. "You will not wear jewelry given to you by another man. Not with me." He noted that Jarrett had put his hands up when he jumped, covering his body the way a woman would.  
"Oh, well, if you say so," said Jarrett uncertainly. "I forgot how possessive you are," he said impulsively, with a little laugh. "Not even a little pair of earrings?" he asked hopefully.  
"No."  
"Oh, well," Jarrett pouted a little, and it was all Kaidan could do not to grab him and force him down to his cock. "Well, if I can't wear any of it, maybe you should take it away. I don't know, maybe you could sell it or something, and buy me some new jewelry?"  
"I may not be that rich, but I am certainly not that poor," Kaidan snapped.  
Jarrett instantly looked contrite and threw his arms around Kaidan's neck. "Oh, don't be mad! I didn't mean it like that!"  
Kaidan nearly jumped out of his skin at the feel of two small breasts pressed against him. He stared at Jarrett in surprise, and Jarrett smiled up at him. His senses were starting to go into overload from Jarrett's entrancing mix of masculinity and femininity. He could smell a floral scent coming from Jarrett, soft and feminine and perfectly blended with his natural scent. Kaidan forced himself to stay in control. "Sell them, and send the money to your daughter."  
Jarrett smiled. "That is a good idea," he said admiringly, and kissed Kaidan's cheek. "I'm not done getting dressed yet!" Jarrett started to pull away, but found himself caught in Kaidan's arms.  
"Yes you are." Kaidan picked Jarrett up and carried him to the bedroom. He threw Jarrett down on the bed and covered Jarrett with his body, pinning Jarrett to the bed. "You're fucking beautiful." He kissed Jarrett's luscious lips, the unadorned ears, slid his hand beneath Jarrett's shirt to feel a lacy bra and what felt like soft flesh, firm yet yielding to his hands.  
"Oh, Kaidan, you get me so hot and wet," Jarrett whimpered, turning his head away so that Kaidan wouldn't see the devilish sparkle in his eyes.  
Kaidan kissed him again, moved his hand down between Jarrett's legs. He stroked his hand over the silken panties that Jarrett was wearing, then stopped in surprise at a spot of moisture. He forced aside the thin strip of cloth, and his finger easily slipped into Jarrett, making Jarrett moan in pleasure. "You're going to fucking kill me," groaned Kaidan. "When did you –"  
Jarrett stopped him from finishing his question by kissing him, and giggled slightly at Kaidan's reaction. "Why wouldn't I be wet at the thought of that big cock of yours?" He moaned softly, working himself on Kaidan's finger, listening to the sexy wet noises from the lubrication he had already placed there, and Kaidan inserted another finger. Jarrett reached down and undid Kaidan's pants, freeing his cock. "Take me, Kaidan, please!" He moved his legs, and Kaidan replaced his fingers with his cock, driving into Jarrett with one swift thrust.  
Kaidan kissed Jarrett hungrily, demandingly. He knew he wasn't going to last long this time. In this position, Jarrett was too hot and tight to resist. More of the soft curls escaped as Jarrett was pounded into the bed by Kaidan's cock, spilling out in a dark halo around Jarrett's lovely painted face, as Jarrett whimpered and cried out. Kaidan slammed into him, and felt the waves of his orgasm wash over him, spilling into Jarrett's body as he fell into Jarrett's arms.  
Jarrett smiled to himself, and waited for Kaidan to finish coming, then carefully rolled Kaidan away. He brushed his hair out of his face, and watched Kaidan sleep. "You can't resist it, can you?" he smirked. "It's like the ultimate submission to you," he lay down on Kaidan's chest, and traced the muscles there with his fingers. "And nobody else can give it to you. Not Liara, not Ashley, only me." He kissed Kaidan's chest, then curled up at Kaidan's side for a nap.  
"'Oh, Kaidan, tell me we will be happy,' she sobbed, her hair spilling over her naked shoulders like spun gold, 'Promise me!'"  
"What?" Kaidan struggled to sit up, but realized that someone was lying on his chest, using him as a reading pillow. Someone with wide blue eyes, long wavy black hair, wearing a cute little white top and tight blue jeans that showed off some delicious curves. "Jarrett? I feel so weird calling you that when you're dressed that way."  
"Jody," he smiled. "At least that's what my fake ID says."  
"What are you doing?" asked Kaidan patiently.  
Jarrett held up his book. "I'm reading a romance and changing the hero's name to Kaidan. It makes it so much more fun to read." Jarrett looked at his book, idly swinging his feet in the air. "Only he's not nearly as good-looking as you. Only seven inches, too."  
"Okay, stop," groaned Kaidan, "and get off me, I need to use the bathroom."  
Jarrett rolled away so that Kaidan could sit up. "'My darling, I swear to you that I will protect you for all the rest of our days,' said Kaidan, his voice deep and passionate, throbbing with his wild love for Rosella's beauty –" he continued reading, doing a terrible job of mimicking Kaidan's deep voice.  
"What the fuck are you reading?" Kaidan demanded. "'A Lotus for Isis'? Who writes this stuff?"  
Jarrett giggled. "Weren't you going to the potty?"  
Kaidan looked down at Jarrett, curled up in the bed. "Where did it go?"  
"What?"  
Kaidan leaned over and gently reached between Jarrett's legs.  
Jarrett giggled again. "It's a secret!" He smiled up at Kaidan. "Trust me, you really don't want to know. Also, no matter how much you do that with your hand, you won't get a physical reaction there now. It's completely impossible."  
"Right," said Kaidan somewhat absently, completely distracted by the feel of Jarrett's body beneath his hand.  
Both of their omni-tools beeped with incoming messages at the same time. Jarrett sighed and checked his message, as did Kaidan with an equally disappointed growl.  
"He wants to meet with us now? I'm going to crush that fucking Salarian under his goddamned desk," snapped Jarrett. "I have to change."  
Kaidan held out his hand, and pulled Jarrett up from the bed. Kaidan kissed him once, then let him go. "I'll go change in my room. If I stay here, we'll end up naked again and then we'll never leave."  
"And that's bad, right?" said Jarrett doubtfully.  
"I'll be in my room," said Kaidan firmly as he zipped up his pants and straightened his shirt. "Call me when you're ready." Kaidan walked out of the room before Jarrett could distract him again.

"I stole her boyfriend and killed her mom. The least I can do is share."  
Kaidan glared coldly at Jarrett. "I do not share. I am not going to fuck around with anyone else when I am involved with you."  
Jarrett blushed, unable to resist being pleased by Kaidan's single-minded possessiveness. "Well, I mean, you could at least go talk to her or something. Cheer her up. I dunno."  
"If you're so concerned about Liara's well-being, you go talk to her."  
"I'm concerned, but I don't want to touch her. Asari creep me out." Jarrett looked curiously at Kaidan. "I thought you liked her. Why don't you want to go talk to her?"  
"If I talk to her, I'll just end up in bed with her. And I don't want that. Go talk to her."  
"I just said I don't want to," snapped Jarrett. "I just don't want her to do anything stupid."  
Kaidan smiled slightly. "That wasn't a suggestion."  
"What?" Jarrett looked up in surprise. "Oh."  
Kaidan settled himself on the couch of his hotel room. "I'll wait here."  
"Well, but… what do I say?" Jarrett was visibly nervous. "I killed her mom!"  
"Ask her how she's holding up. Listen to her. You won't know what to say until she starts talking." Kaidan shrugged. "It's not like they were close."  
Jarrett left the room, and Kaidan stretched out on the couch, trying not to think about Jarrett and Liara, or worse, memories of the past and jealous rages. Jarrett was right, someone had to talk to Liara. And he knew he was right, it had to be Jarrett, or it wouldn't mean anything to her. He just wished – Kaidan stopped himself from thinking about it too hard, and stared at the ceiling instead.  
He wondered what Jarrett would do with her. Liara was obsessed with Jarrett. She thought he was beautiful, and she was one of those women who would do anything a man said. He wondered how he would react if she and Jarrett – Kaidan decided to stop thinking about it, and stood up, paced the room restlessly. He wanted Jarrett back. He wanted to hold him, feel him in his arms, know that he was there.  
The door opened and Jarrett raced in. "Help! She's crazy!" Jarrett ran into the bedroom and slammed the door.  
Kaidan tried not to smile, and locked the door to his room. He didn't even bother looking into the hallway, to see what was going on. "What happened?" Kaidan demanded. "Open the door."  
Jarrett opened the door. "She's gone, right? You locked the door?"  
"Yes, now tell me what happened."  
"She's nuts! Creepy weird Asari stalker. She wouldn't stop talking about how wonderful I am, and how beautiful I was. So I slapped her and ran away."  
Kaidan laughed before he could stop himself. "That's not what I thought would happen."  
"She wouldn't stop touching me! She's totally insane. I told Jeff to distract her and ran." Jarrett stepped out of the bedroom, and put his arms around Kaidan. "Please don't ever make me talk to her alone again."  
"I ought to make you go have sex with her to make up for it." Kaidan laughed again at the look on his face. "I'll save that for when you really annoy me." He pulled Jarrett into his arms. "At least you know she's not suicidal." He kissed Jarrett, forcing his lips against him until Jarrett gasped for breath. "She's right, though, you are beautiful."  
"You really think I'm beautiful?" Jarrett asked as he slowly sank to his knees and started undoing Kaidan's belt.  
"I do," sighed Kaidan in pleasure as his cock slid into Jarrett's eager mouth. "I wish you hadn't cut your hair, though. I like the curls. Stupid regulations."  
Jarrett's tongue slid along the underside of Kaidan's cock, teasing it to full hardness. "It grows back really quick," smiled Jarrett before he took Kaidan into his mouth again. His tongue danced all over Kaidan's cock, swirled over the head as if he was enjoying a sugary treat. Kaidan groaned, dug his fingers into Jarrett's hair, trying to keep himself from thrusting wildly into Jarrett's mouth. Jarrett had one hand around the base of Kaidan's cock, gripped it firmly, stroked it to help control the pace.  
"Where's your other hand?" Kaidan asked softly.  
Jarrett chuckled, and his hand slowly moved up the back of Kaidan's leg, his mouth and tongue busy the entire time, until he reached Kaidan's waistband. He moved both hands to Kaidan's waist, then tilted his head, changing the angle, and pulled Kaidan into his throat.  
Kaidan gasped in surprise. "Jarrett!" The sensations were amazing, and Jarrett had his eyes closed so that he could concentrate on repeatedly deep-throating Kaidan. "Fuck," groaned Kaidan, unable to keep himself from thrusting faster and harder into Jarrett's mouth. There was nothing else but Jarrett kneeling in front of him, pleasuring him. He tried to give a warning that he was close, but Jarrett was faster, flicking that skilled tongue right on the sensitive head before he sank into Jarrett's willing mouth again, filling it. Jarrett swallowed quickly, sucking down every drop, and Kaidan pulled away with a satisfied sigh. "You're really good at that."  
"Thank you," Jarrett smiled up at him, licking his lips.  
Kaidan pulled him up for a kiss, and led him to the couch. He reveled in the taste of himself on Jarrett's lips, and sat down, pulling Jarrett into his lap. "Let me see your arms." Jarrett obediently held up his arms for Kaidan's inspection. He kissed Jarrett's wrists, pushed the sleeves down so he could take measurements. Jarrett watched in silent confusion as Kaidan took notes on his omni-tool and kissed the bruises from the other night. "Now your legs." He lay Jarrett down, and pulled his legs up. Kaidan removed Jarrett's socks and boots so that he could kiss and measure Jarrett's slender ankles. "You have small feet for a man."  
"You're measuring me for cuffs!" Jarrett smiled in pleasure. "Where are you ordering them from?"  
"Not ordering," Kaidan corrected, pausing to lick the underside of Jarrett's lower leg, "making. What color do you want? Don't say pink."  
"Purple," smiled Jarrett. "You can make them? Out of what?"  
"Leather, silly." Kaidan decided that he really liked the fact that Jarrett shaved everywhere that a woman would. He let go of Jarrett's leg and pulled Jarrett back into his arms so he could taste Jarrett's lips again. Kaidan reached down, between Jarrett's legs, and moved his hand over Jarrett's hardness, making him moan hungrily.  
"Do you always make cuffs for your lovers?" asked Jarrett between kisses. "What color did Liara get?"  
"Are you jealous?" Kaidan kissed him fiercely, without waiting for an answer. "I didn't make a set for Liara. Or Ashley. This is different, Jarrett."  
Jarrett kissed him wildly, moving his body desperately under Kaidan's hand. "Why did you send me to talk to Liara?"  
Kaidan kissed him again, then pulled Jarrett away so that he could see his lover's eyes as he spoke. "I sent you to her to see if you would come back."  
"You don't trust me?" asked Jarrett quietly, staring into Kaidan's dark eyes.  
"Make me trust you," Kaidan answered, "and I will." He bent his head down for a kiss, but Jarrett stopped him.  
"Don't ever do that again. Not with Liara," Jarrett said softly.  
Kaidan wasn't sure if it was a plea or a command. He drew Jarrett to him, crushed him into a kiss. "You are mine," he said softly, kissing Jarrett's neck and ears. "When we get back to the ship, there will be no more fooling around or flirting. Not with Liara. Not with Jeff. Not with anyone. Understand?" Try as he might, he couldn't keep a note of jealous rage from his voice.  
Jarrett seemed to light up at his words, and he arched into Kaidan's possessive hands, returning Kaidan's passionate kisses with his own. "Yes, Kaidan, I understand."  
Kaidan gave in, and covered Jarrett's face with kisses, holding him so tightly he could see bruises forming on Jarrett's skin. "No one touches you except me." He moved so that he was lying on top of Jarrett, so that he could touch him everywhere as he kissed him, ripping Jarrett's clothes away, holding him down so that he could explore Jarrett's body with his mouth, making Jarrett gasp as Kaidan's tongue slid over him.  
"Please, Kaidan," Jarrett begged, his body straining against Kaidan, desperately seeking release, "fuck me, take me, make me come, please, Kaidan, I need you," he pleaded. Instead of being pulled to his feet and dragged into the bedroom as he expected, Kaidan pulled off Jarrett's pants, and Jarrett almost screamed at the sensation of Kaidan's mouth on his cock. Jarrett writhed wildly, not sure what the proper protocol was for having a top go down on him. Kaidan paused to lick his fingers, and began working a finger into Jarrett, at which point Jarrett finally screamed, wild with ecstasy, thrilling to Kaidan's possession of him.  
Kaidan felt Jarrett's cock twitch, and his mouth was filled with Jarrett's sweet come. He didn't swallow it all, letting it spill out over Jarrett's cock and between his legs. He licked Jarrett's cock clean, still working his finger in and out of Jarrett, and moved his mouth down, still licking Jarrett clean. Jarrett moaned as Kaidan slipped another finger into him, and Kaidan continued licking and kissing him. Kaidan watched his hand, and realized he needed more lube if he was going to continue, but the bottle was in the bedroom. With a slight sigh of disappointment, he drew his fingers out of Jarrett, and kissed his way back up Jarrett's body. "Let's go back to the bedroom, so I can do this properly." Jarrett smiled eagerly, and they sat up.  
Jarrett's omni-tool beeped. "Motherfucker!" screamed Jarrett in rage. He answered the call. "What?" He knew from the tone that it was someone from the Normandy.  
"Commander, the Council wants to talk to you about the report you sent regarding the Noveria mission," said one of the communications technicians.  
Jarrett muted his omni-tool so that he could indulge in a few seconds of swearing. "I'll be there in twenty minutes."  
"They said it was urgent, Commander," said the tech nervously.  
"And I said, twenty minutes!" Jarrett disconnected.  
Kaidan put his arms around Jarrett, holding him and restraining him. "Calm down." Jarrett was shaking with frustration. "We will finish this later, that's all. Calm down," he stroked Jarrett's back, held him still until he could feel Jarrett relaxing in his arms. "Kiss me, and go clean yourself up. I'll pack up your things and bring them back to the ship."  
Jarrett smiled at the command, and kissed Kaidan on the cheek. He stood up, reluctant but obedient. "Just be careful with all my not-Shepard stuff. I don't want anyone to see it by accident."  
"Nobody else knows about it?" asked Kaidan. Jarrett shook his head, and started towards the bathroom. "Not even Jeff?"  
Jarrett laughed. "Especially not Jeff. No, nobody knows but you, and I'd like to keep it that way." He smiled at Kaidan. "Jeff and I are friends, but this is different, Kaidan," he threw Kaidan's words back at him before he closed the door, leaving Kaidan smiling at the space where he had been.


	6. UNENDING

Kaidan set down the last of Jarrett's luggage in the Captain's cabin. Kaidan shook his head at the mountain of clothing and cosmetics. "Worse than a girl," he muttered, and left the room to go check on the security console. It had been beeping oddly, but he hadn't checked it yet. Kaidan checked the console, and frowned at it as it reported that it needed a full diagnostic to resolve a data anomaly. Kaidan started the diagnostic, then swore at the console as it threw up a series of errors. With a sigh, Kaidan started going through the logs and fixing issues.  
"Lieutenant Alenko, could I see you in my office, please?" said Dr. Chakwas. Her voice was chilly and disapproving.  
Kaidan looked up in surprise. "Is it vital? I need to finish this diagnostic."  
"Your job is at stake, Lieutenant."  
Kaidan looked down at the console. "The integrity of the ship is more important. I'll stop by your office when I'm done."  
"You are not to leave this ship without speaking to me," said Dr. Chakwas.  
Confused, Kaidan looked up at her. "I have no idea why you're angry with me. I'm not running, I'm making sure our scanners don't fail at a crucial moment. You're perfectly welcome to set a guard over me, if it will make you feel better." He went back to his work without waiting for her to respond, and she returned to her office. The glass was still in privacy mode. Kaidan couldn't think of why Dr. Chakwas was so angry. Finally, he got the computer into a state where he could leave it for a few minutes, and he walked into the med-bay.  
"This is ridiculous," sobbed Liara. "It's none of your business, and it has nothing to do with you!" She looked up in surprise as Kaidan entered. "Kaidan, why won't she leave me alone? Is this some stupid Alliance rule?"  
Kaidan stared in surprise at the ugly bruise on her face. "Dr. Chakwas, what's going on?"  
"I was hoping you could tell me," snapped the doctor, "since Liara is too afraid to tell me anything."  
"Oh!" Liara jumped up from the chair. "You think Kaidan did this? How dare you!"  
"Liara, please calm down," said Kaidan dryly. "Dr. Chakwas, could I speak to Liara in private for a moment? You can take off the privacy filter and watch us," he snapped before she could accuse him of anything. "I'm not going to touch her."  
"Fine." Dr. Chakwas turned off the filter and stepped outside.  
Kaidan rolled his eyes. "What the hell happened?" he demanded. "Sit down, and don't touch me."  
Liara sat down again, and crossed her hands in her lap. "I made Shepard very angry," she said softly. "I tried to apologize, but it didn't seem to help. And then he ran away. I don't understand at all!"  
"So why does Chakwas think I had something to do with it?"  
"Well, I didn't want to get Shepard in trouble! I told her it was my fault, that I tripped."  
Kaidan groaned. "That's Human for 'My boyfriend hit me.' It's not your fault," he said quickly as she gasped in horror. "You didn't know." Kaidan put his hand to his head. "This is going to be a bad day."  
"Why doesn't Shepard like me?" asked Liara sadly. "Why can't everyone just get along? He hates me, and Joker hates you –"  
"What?" Kaidan blinked in surprise. "Jeff hates me?"  
"Well, he's very upset that you're with Shepard," said Liara, "and he did say some awful things about you. In general. I think he's jealous."  
"I did not know that," said Kaidan slowly. "I forgot that he and Shepard were old friends."  
"Oh, yes," said Liara cheerfully, "they've been friends since the Academy. He's very unhappy at not being able to touch Shepard anymore."  
"Jeff was in the room with you, when Shepard came to talk to you."  
Liara nodded innocently, not really understanding. "He was trying to comfort me, until Shepard walked in. Then he seemed to forget my existence. Which I totally understand," she smiled, "Shepard has that effect on me, too."  
And me, Kaidan thought to himself. He sighed. Life was going to be very complicated on the Normandy. "I need to go talk to Shepard."  
"What should I do?" asked Liara helplessly.  
"Remind Chakwas that you're an Asari, not a Human, and tell her you want treatment, not a lecture. If she keeps pushing, tell her you'll take it up with Captain Anderson."  
"Do I look really bad?" asked Liara, as Kaidan walked to the door.  
He stopped, and looked at her once before turning away. "I think you look beautiful. But I'm not the one you need to impress." Kaidan left the med-bay and went back to the console, ignoring Chakwas' angry glare and Liara's pleased smile.  
"Lieutenant Alenko," started Dr. Chakwas.  
"Don't you have a patient to take care of, Doctor?" Kaidan pulled up the screen. "Someone who needed medical attention?"  
"I would like to speak to you," she said coldly.  
"Well, considering that I have a mission-critical role on this ship," he said sharply, "my work takes precedence over your desire for idle chatter. Might I suggest that you return to your duties, and if you have a problem with me, that you bring it up with the officer in command?" Kaidan turned away and started going over the diagnostic logs, completely ignoring her angry gasp. As soon as she turned away, he scanned the ship for Jarrett's location.  
"Don't think this is over, Lieutenant."  
"Don't think I care," muttered Kaidan under his breath. Jarrett was in the recreation room. Kaidan set the diagnostic to run again, and headed to the lower level of the ship. He stepped out of the elevator, into a crowd of crewmembers, split into a group of mostly men that was chanting "Shanxi" over and over, another of mostly women yelling at the men to shut up, and Wrex, who was sitting on one of the couches alone, laughing his head off while Garrus and Jarrett were trying to rip each other apart.  
Kaidan stared in disbelief as Garrus rushed at Jarrett, claws outstretched, and Jarrett dodged with lightning speed before driving his stiletto into Garrus' back. "What the hell are you doing?" he shouted. Before anyone could react, Kaidan threw out a biotic blast, knocking all the spectators – except Wrex, who dodged – to their feet, and then followed it with a stasis field, trapping Garrus and Jarrett before they could attack each other again. "The fuck is wrong with you people?" he snarled in fury. "One deck apart, now!" Sheepishly, the crew scattered before Kaidan's wrath, and he slowly released Garrus and Jarrett. "You," he snapped at Jarrett, "one deck away from Vakarian."  
"I need my knife," Jarrett smiled.  
"Now."  
Jarrett threw up his hands and left, muttering under his breath in Cantonese.  
Wrex finally stopped laughing long enough to help Garrus with the knife in his back. "That was pathetic, Turian. Your ancestors are crying right now."  
"That was the most humiliating fight I've ever experienced," Garrus grumbled. "He was toying with me the whole time."  
Wrex cleaned off the knife while Kaidan applied medi-gel and a bandage to Garrus. "It's your own fault, Turian. Shouldn't have shot your mouth off."  
"What is going on around here?" Kaidan demanded. "Has everyone gone insane?"  
"You took away their toy, Alenko," laughed Wrex, "they don't know what to do with themselves anymore." The Krogan's deep laugh made the floor of the room shake.  
Garrus stared at the floor. "I'm sorry for starting the fight, Alenko. Could you – could you tell Shepard that I didn't really mean it?"  
"He knows," grinned Wrex. "If he had been really angry with you, you'd be a diplomatic incident by now."  
"Shut up, Wrex. I'm talking to Alenko." Garrus' mandibles twitched in the Turian equivalent of blushing.  
"Sure," said Kaidan in confusion. "I'll tell him. But I still want to know what is going on."  
Garrus sighed heavily. "I think you should talk to Shepard."  
"Here," Wrex handed over the clean knife. "You can give this back to him. Maybe next time the Turian decides to insult your taste in men, he'll remember about the knife."  
"Thank you," Kaidan took the knife carefully, and walked away without looking at Garrus again.  
"You're trying to get me killed, aren't you?" muttered Garrus.  
Wrex laughed again. "You finally figured that out? Turians are really thick about some things."  
Kaidan went back upstairs, noting that everyone was suddenly very busy cleaning and fixing things, and trying to avoid eye contact with him. He went to the Captain's cabin, still trying to find Jarrett. He noticed that Ashley was in the med-bay, having a shouting match with Dr. Chakwas, but the privacy filter was blocking the sound. Kaidan shook his head, and walked into the Captain's cabin.  
"Why didn't you lock the door?" asked Jeff. He was slouching so that Kaidan couldn't see his face, and was sitting on the bed next to Jarrett, who had his graceful fingers protectively curled around Jeff's hand.  
"Because I'm not doing anything that he shouldn't see," said Jarrett firmly. He glanced up at Kaidan, a slight challenge in his eyes, then back at Jeff. "C'mon, man, don't be like that."  
"Fuck you, asshole," said Jeff softly, and slowly stood up, carefully pulling his hand away from Jarrett. "I'm getting really sick of being second with you." Jarrett sat quietly and watched as Jeff left the room.  
Kaidan locked the door, and tossed the knife on the coffee table. "What was that?"  
"That," sighed Jarrett, "was me making Kaidan angry because I don't want Jeff to go crazy."  
"And the shit downstairs? What the fuck was that?"  
Jarrett grinned. "That was me teaching Garrus to watch his fucking mouth." He glanced up at Kaidan. "Do I get my knife back?"  
"And the shit with Liara?" demanded Kaidan. "You told me you slapped her, she looks like you hit her with a stack of datapads. What the fuck is going on?"  
Jarrett shrugged. "I'm very disruptive, what can I say?"  
"Jarrett!"  
Jarrett sprang to his feet. "It's not my fault everyone is fucking crazy! I know what I want," he screamed, "and I'll do whatever it takes to get it." He threw his arms around Kaidan, buried his fingers in Kaidan's thick hair. "And what I want is you, dammit! I don't care what else happens, I just want you," Jarrett was whispering now, soft and desperate, his body pressed against Kaidan. "I want you," he repeated.  
Kaidan realized that Jarrett was shaking, and put his arms around him. "Calm down," said Kaidan gently. "What's going on in that head of yours, Jarrett?"  
"I'm not giving you up," Jarrett insisted. "I don't care what anyone else says." He laid his head on Kaidan's shoulder, still trembling slightly, letting Kaidan's arms support him.  
Kaidan sighed, and pulled Jarrett into a gentle kiss. "Do you think I'm going to let you go?" At the first touch of Jarrett's lips, the desire to possess him grew stronger, and Kaidan kissed him again, harder and faster. "You think I'm going to give this up?" He crushed Jarrett to him, forced him down to the bed, still warm from the heat of the bodies that had just been sitting there, and pinned Jarrett beneath him so that he could kiss every part of Jarrett's face and neck, making Jarrett arch beneath him, tantalizing touches that brought soft pleas for more. "Mine," whispered Kaidan fiercely. "You're mine," he slid one hand into Jarrett's pants, the other still holding Jarrett's arms over his head. Kaidan kissed him again, sealing in the screams and passionate moans as his hand stroked over Jarrett's cock. Jarrett thrust into Kaidan's strong grip as much as he could, and it wasn't long before Kaidan's touch quickly brought Jarrett to a shuddering orgasm. "I'll fuck you properly later, and make you pay for letting another man touch you after I told you not to."  
"I had to," Jarrett said softly. "I'm sorry."  
"I believe you," smiled Kaidan, "that's why the fucking comes first. But you're still getting a few swats for it." He kissed Jarrett again, then rolled off the bed and stood up so that he could wash his hands.  
Jarrett smiled, blushed slightly, trying not to look too eager and failing miserably. "Of course, Kaidan. I'll explain once we're underway."  
Kaidan stepped into the little bathroom and cleaned his hands.  
"Shouldn't you just move in here?" suggested Jarrett hopefully.  
"Do you want me to?"  
"Yes," said Jarrett swiftly. "If you want to," he said, suddenly shy.  
Kaidan smiled to himself. "I'll move my stuff in here after we take off." He checked to make sure that his clothes were straight, and brushed back his hair.  
The overhead beeped, and Joker's voice filled the room. "I hate to interrupt, Commander," said Jeff, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "but have you seen the co-pilot? I need him to clear the ship's computers so we can leave."  
"I'm on my way, Joker," Kaidan sighed.  
"Lieutenant Alenko! I had no idea you were in the Captain's cabin," said Jeff with mock surprise. "Shouldn't you be working, Lieutenant?"  
"Enough, Joker," said Jarrett wearily.  
"Of course, Commander." Joker disconnected, and Jarrett put his hands to his head in despair.  
"I have to talk to him," said Jarrett.  
Kaidan leaned over and kissed him. "You might want to clean yourself up first," he grinned, and kissed Jarrett again.  
"Or not," smiled Jarrett. "Maybe I'll just lie here and wait for you to come back."  
Kaidan's cock twitched at the thought. "You have to get up so we can leave this frozen, bug-infested hellhole."  
"True," Jarrett slid out of the bed and went to the bathroom. "You should probably get going before Jeff starts nagging again."  
Kaidan kissed him one more time, then left to go deal with the ship's computers.

Kaidan realized he had fallen asleep on the couch after bringing his things upstairs, and compulsively putting everything away because he couldn't deal with all the mess of Jarrett's room. He was also fairly certain that he had been fully dressed when he had slumped on the couch, and that Jarrett had not been in the room. But his pants were open and Jarrett's hands were now on his cock, doing something very odd.  
"No! Not the chocolate! My only weakness!" Jarrett was doing that horrible imitation of Kaidan's voice again, and Kaidan wearily sat up a little, trying to figure out what Jarrett was doing. Yes, he realized, Jarrett was indeed pouring chocolate syrup on his cock and playing with it like it was a puppet.  
"Oh, no! Don't worry, I'll save you!" cried Jarrett in a sweet falsetto.  
"That is not a toy – " Kaidan gave up when Jarrett's mouth covered him, eagerly licking away the chocolate and making Kaidan groan in animal satisfaction. He shifted slightly, giving Jarrett more room to work, and put his arms behind his head so he could get a better view. Jarrett was kneeling by the couch, his shirt off, his head moving up and down on Kaidan's cock. Kaidan reached out lazily, and ran a hand over the yellowing bruises and fading welts on Jarrett's back and shoulders. Jarrett arched into the touch of his hands like a cat, and his tongue and hands moved even faster. "Don't think you're going to get out of that spanking, slut," Kaidan muttered through the haze of lust caused by Jarrett's mouth. Jarrett laughed in response, but he never paused in his sucking and licking of Kaidan's cock. "Or that fucking," Kaidan growled. "Are you wet already?" Jarrett shook his head. "Damn. Fine, swallow it, slut. Every drop." He grinned as Jarrett sank on his cock again, "That was kind of a waste of breath, wasn't it?" Kaidan watched in fascination as Jarrett's throat worked, matching his cock pulse for pulse as he filled Jarrett's mouth with his come.  
Jarrett licked him clean and then finally pulled away, looking up at Kaidan. "I did ask first," he grinned, "and your cock said I could play with it."  
"I'm sure it did," Kaidan laughed. "Come here." He pulled Jarrett on top of him, into his arms. "I have a question," said Kaidan calmly, as he pulled Jarrett's arms to the small of his back, and held Jarrett's slender wrists captive in his hand. "Why didn't you mention earlier that Jeff might have a problem with you being exclusive?"  
"Truth?" Jarrett grinned, as he snuggled up to Kaidan.  
"Please."  
"I wasn't thinking about it at the time. Or afterwards. In fact, anytime I can touch you, I'd prefer not to think about anything else. And when I'm not touching you, for that matter."  
Kaidan smiled. "I guess that explains the chocolate." He kissed Jarrett, then shifted so that he could pick him up so that they were both standing, and carefully walked Jarrett back, until the smaller man was pinned against the wall. "So, did you talk to Jeff?"  
"Yes," said Jarrett quickly. "I told him I was taken and he would have to deal with it."  
"And how did he react to that?" asked Kaidan as he turned Jarrett around, and moved Jarrett's hands over his head so that he could secure them to the wall, making quick but secure restraints out of the bandages that he always had in his pockets.  
Jarrett had to stand on his toes to reach the hook on the wall where Kaidan had tied him. He looked up, aware that his body was arched perfectly for punishment. "Well, he cried a bit, and told me hated me. Which is a step up from trying to break us up, so I guess that's good." Jarrett swallowed nervously. "I thought we were fucking first." He tried to twist enough to turn and see Kaidan's eyes, but he couldn't get enough purchase.  
"Did you kiss him?"  
"Look, Jeff has serious attachment issues. It's worked out now, though." Jarrett screamed in surprise as he felt a searing lash across the skin of his back. "I had to do something!" He screamed as the whip danced across his skin again. The whip landed again, then again, fire ripping into his wounded skin. Jarrett screamed and twisted under the blows, unable to hold still from the pain, no matter how badly he wanted to suffer. "I'm sorry, Kaidan! I couldn't let him die!"  
Kaidan stopped, and Jarrett held back a gasping sob at the sudden reprieve. "What?"  
"He's practically suicidal when it comes to me, Kaidan. I'm sorry, I should have told you, I just wasn't thinking. He just needs to know that I'll be there for him, that's all. It was just one kiss, I swear it. I won't do it again, not without asking first." The words spilled out quickly, and Kaidan could hear tears in his voice. "I'm sorry!"  
Kaidan gritted his teeth in fury, and threw down the whip. He moved forward, grabbing Jarrett by the hair and pulling his head away from the wall. Jarrett gasped in pain, but Kaidan silenced him with a fierce and angry kiss. "I do not share, do you understand that? I can't do it," he snarled. "I won't do it." He kissed Jarrett again, possessive and wild. He could taste Jarrett's tears, feel Jarrett's pain on his lips. He ripped away Jarrett's pants, leaving him open and exposed for his hands. "You little fucking slut, if I ever even think that you've had sex with him, or anyone else, I will kill you both!"  
"I wouldn't," Jarrett gasped, "please, Kaidan, you have to believe me!" He almost screamed in terror as Kaidan stepped away. "Please!"  
Kaidan turned his back to Jarrett, and stared at the blank wall, trying to recover his sense of balance. "This isn't how you make someone trust you, Jarrett. This is important to me. I cannot – I do not share."  
"I couldn't risk it, Kaidan. I knew you would be angry, I don't understand it, but I came back. I came back! I'm telling you the truth," Jarrett pleaded. "Beat me, punish me, anything, but just believe me. I only kissed him, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Jarrett sagged miserably against the wall, and choked back a sob of terror. "Please don't leave. I'm sorry."  
Kaidan closed his eyes against the pain. He hated this about himself. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get past the need for sole possession. Not even for something like this. It was ridiculous, to be so jealous and angry over a simple kiss. "Why?" he asked, trying not to snarl in rage. "Why did you kiss him? Why did you give him anything? What does he give you that I can't?" He turned back before he could stop himself, slammed his fist into the wall near Jarrett's head. "Why?" Jarrett twisted enough to kiss his hand before he could pull it away, and Kaidan felt the caress run through him, almost startling him out of his jealous rage. He leaned closer to Jarrett, let his hands run over the bruises and welts, kissed Jarrett's shoulders, let his hand slide between Jarrett's legs. "Why?"  
"Jeff – he's my teddy bear. He's there when I want something to hug. He's candy. He hates that I'm violent and twisted, he disapproves of anything weird, but he loves me," said Jarrett softly. "I gave up most drugs, but I kept Jeff." Kaidan's hands moved down his back, and Jarrett moaned as Kaidan forced a finger inside him. "Please, Kaidan, can I keep Jeff? We won't have sex, I swear it, but I need something. Something for when you're not here."  
Kaidan poured some lube on his hand, and worked another finger into Jarrett, making him gasp and moan. "I was right here," he said softly. "You could have told me. You could have asked first."  
Jarrett gasped as Kaidan thrust another finger into him, twisting roughly inside him, sending half-delightful shivers through his body. He tried to shift to a more comfortable position, and shrieked as he lost contact with the floor, lifted into the air by Kaidan's hand.  
"Do not test my boundaries, slut." Kaidan's voice was very soft and very dark, but he knew that Jarrett heard him. He withdrew his hand, and slowly pulled Jarrett onto his cock. "I am not part of your fucking harem. I am not a damned toy." He punctuated each statement with a vicious thrust, slamming Jarrett into the wall and making him scream in pain and ecstasy. He put one hand on the wall for balance, and used the other to keep Jarrett's hips in place as he pounded into him. Jarrett writhed on his cock, his head thrown back in wild passion, trying to move with Kaidan's thrusts, eagerly taking everything that Kaidan was forcing into him. "You are mine, Jarrett, and if you forget it again, I will fucking strangle you and set your goddamned teddy bear on fire. Shut up!" Kaidan snarled before Jarrett could apologize again. "I know you're sorry, slut, that's not what I want to hear!"  
Jarrett tried to think of what to say, but his brain was short-circuited by his impending orgasm. Kaidan slammed harder into him, held him in place against the wall, pinning him there. He could feel Kaidan's cock sink into him again, all the way inside, filling him with Kaidan's come. Jarrett arched helplessly, screaming, wildly eager for Kaidan's touch, unable to resist the waves of pleasure that threatened to drown him.  
Kaidan stared in surprise as Jarrett came so hard that he blacked out. "Damn." He released Jarrett's hands, and carefully carried him over to the bed. He watched Jarrett lie still and quiet on the bed, sticky whiteness covering his chest and slowly seeping out of him, new lines of red covering his back over the faded scars. He leaned down, and kissed Jarrett gently until he felt him stir. "Keep your damn teddy bear, slut. Kisses only. No more."  
"Thank you, Kaidan," smiled Jarrett gratefully.

They were almost at the Citadel. Kaidan was building a required maintenance list for the Normandy's computers, and studiously ignoring everyone being quietly crazy around him. His terminal beeped with a private message. It was from Jeff, asking if he could talk to Kaidan for a few minutes in their quarters. Kaidan sighed. Like many things about Jarrett, he really didn't know what to expect from Jeff anymore. Kaidan walked down to his quarters after he had finished his duties. Jeff was already there, nervously pacing, his abnormal gait even more disjointed.  
"Hey, Alenko," Jeff smiled wanly. "Thanks for coming."  
Kaidan shrugged, then realized he was being intimidating. "You asked me," he said quietly. "I don't want to be the cause of any more trouble than I can help. Do you mind if I sit down?"  
"What? Oh, sure." Jeff stopped pacing, and Kaidan sat down at the desk. "Man, I don't even know where to start."  
Kaidan waited quietly, and tried to be calm and trustworthy. "I'm listening. Say whatever you want, I'm not going to be angry at you."  
"But you should be!" blurted Jeff. "It's not his fault, you should be mad at me. You shouldn't be hitting him because I piss you off!"  
Kaidan blinked in surprise. "That's not actually how it works, Jeff."  
"Don't try to explain it to me, please. I'll throw up. It's not just the hitting, though. I'm just – it's not just him, you know? I'm fucking with you, too. Or, I was. I'll stop. So stop being mad at him all the time. Please."  
Jeff's pleading was like a stab in the throat. "You didn't tell him you were going to do this, did you?" Kaidan looked at the ground, trying to keep his temper and jealousy in check. That wasn't the voice of a friend.  
"What? No, of course not. He'd freak. He likes the attention you give him," said Jeff bitterly. "He thinks it proves something."  
Kaidan gritted his teeth. "I know it doesn't make sense to you, and I can't demonstrate. But I'm not taking advantage of anything or anyone. I trust Jarrett enough to tell me when to stop. He trusts me enough to know I won't go too far."  
"Fine, whatever. Just… I don't know. He's not going anywhere. Don't be jealous and crazy."  
"Too late," muttered Kaidan under his breath. Then, quickly, before Jeff could speak, "I'll talk to him, Jeff, but what you want for him and what he wants are not the same thing."  
"I know!" Jeff sat down on his bed, with a tired sigh. "I know that, I'm just pissed because I thought he had given up on this stupid shit. He doesn't need someone like you, Alenko."  
"Are you sure about that?" Kaidan was genuinely curious, and hoped the question didn't sound like a challenge.  
"No," Jeff admitted, "I'm not sure about anything anymore."  
"Except that you still love him." Try as he might, Kaidan couldn't keep the hateful note of jealousy out of his voice.  
Jeff looked up at him in surprise. "Of course I do. It's Jarrett."  
"Of course." Kaidan stared at the floor again. "I hate sharing," he said suddenly. "This is the first time I've been with someone where I can't control that, and it's driving me up a fucking wall. But, like you said, it's Jarrett." Kaidan looked at the door, the laundry, anything but Jeff. "I have to go check on the computers again. I think one of the processors is bad."  
"Sure." Jeff watched him walk to the door. "Hey, Alenko – "  
Kaidan turned, and was rewarded by a tiny smile from Jeff.  
"Thanks for listening to me."  
Kaidan nodded, and went back to his console to finish his work.


End file.
